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Quote by Rebecca Ryder

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The Dream To End All Dreams

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Rebecca Ryder

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“My sweetheart” Harold says again, and he wants him to stop; he wants him to never stop. “My baby.” And he cries and cries, cries for everything he has been, for everything he might have been, for every old hurt, for every old happiness, cries for the shame and joy of finally getting to be a child, with all of a child’s whims and wants and insecurities, for the privilege of behaving badly and being forgiven, for the luxury of tenderness, of fondness, of being served a meal and being made to eat it, for the ability, at last, at last of believing a parents’ reassurances, of believing that to someone he is special despite all his mistakes and hatefulness, because of all his mistakes and hatefulness.”

“In moments of profound need and suffering, God remains silent and distant. Veiling Himself in holiness and pretending to care, He offers no release when I make the real call for help or rest. This silence makes me see God as selfish, revealing the opposite of His claimed sanctity. I don't really want to go to hell—matter of fact, this has never been my intention—but this thought really fucks with my head. This is the craziest thing I think about day in and day out.”