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Quote by Andrew Wheeler

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Hey, Mary!

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Andrew Wheeler

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“In a large, abandoned field, I found myself cleaning the dung off the only pair of shoes I owned since I can remember. Perhaps, next time, I'll be more cautious of my steppings. It was at that moment when I found myself locking eyes with a creature whose sight I found utterly revolting. Marked from head to heel with hair so short, one could've mistaken the poor thing for a boy, except for the bountiful bosom, whose ample weight carried well. If I were to say the poor thing made Ms. Bottom Slippers look attractive, I kid you not!”

“Today’s pubic hair removal may indicate something similar: we have opened our most intimate parts to unprecedented scrutiny, evaluation, commodification. Largely as a result of the Brazilian trend, cosmetic labiaplasty, the clipping of the folds of skin surrounding the vulva, has skyrocketed: while still well behind nose and boob jobs, according to the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (ASAPS), there was a 44 percent rise in the procedure between 2012 and 2013—and a 64 percent jump the previous year. Labiaplasty is almost never related to sexual function or pleasure; it can actually impede both. Never mind: Dr. Michael Edwards, the ASAPS president in 2013, hailed the uptick as part of “an ever-evolving concept of beauty and self-confidence.” The most sought-after look, incidentally, is called—are you ready?—the Barbie: a “‘ clamshell’-type effect in which the outer labia appear fused, with no labia minora protruding.” I trust I don’t need to remind the reader that Barbie is (a) made of plastic and (b) has no vagina.”