Quotessence
Home / Quotes / Quote by Jeff Dunham

Quote by Jeff Dunham

“Achmed 'Two Jews walk into a bar' No no no no no' Jeff You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard' Achmed" -Achmed the dead terrorist and Jeff”

Quote by Jeff Dunham

Create image

Author

Jeff Dunham
Jeff Dunham

Jeff Dunham is an American ventriloquist and puppeteer, known for his unique ventriloquism performances. Born on April 18, 1962, he began his career in the 1990s. Dunham's humor and satirical style have attracted a large fan base, with his puppet characters including Walter, Dax, Bubba J, and Punxsutawney Phil. more

You May Also Like

“Conner looking at the text he sent Jeff the night before: 8:42pm..Reed:Need you to go to Denver w me. 8:46pm..Jeff: in meeting. give me 1 hr. 8:53pm..Reed: no can do. want wife back. going now. think i cn talk her into it wth sperm. Hell.Please don't let him have called her. 8:53pm..Jeff: R U drinking? 8:55pm..Reed: have wht she wants. solllid plan. better than hers. 8:56pm..Jeff: leaving now. wait 4 me. 9:02pm..Reed: don't worry botu it. 9:02pm..Jeff: WAIT 4 ME. 9:04pm..Jeff: PICKUP YOU PHONE 9:57pm..Jeff: you should stop for drink @ that bar in terminal with the big olives b4 flight. 10:22pm..Reed: hey, UR at the bar. you look pissed.”

HumorJeffConner
Book:Waking Up Married
Create image

“Jeff opened blue eyes, grinned at me. “If you’re feeling left out . . .” I almost threw out an instinctive no, but I decided to throw him a bone. “Oh, Jeff. It’d be too good—you and me. Too powerful, too much emotion, too much heat. We’d come together and boom”—I clapped my hands together—“like a moth to a flame, there’d be nothing left.” His eyes glazed over. “Combustion?” “Totally.” He was quiet for a moment, his index finger tracing a pattern on the knee of his jeans. Then he nodded. “Too powerful. It’d destroy us both.” I nodded solemnly. “Probably so.” But I leaned over, pressed my lips to his forehead. “We’ll always have Chicago.” “Chicago,” he dreamily repeated. “Yeah. Definitely.” He cleared his throat, seemed to regain a little composure. “When I tell this story later, you kissed me on the mouth. With tongue. And you were handsy.” I chuckled. “Fair enough.”

MeritJeff
Book:Some Girls Bite
Create image

“Haven’t had breakfast,” Jeff replied too casually. “Well, that’s just awful,” I noted, making this news sound dire, my eyes going to his hands. “No wife to fill your belly before a hard day of the God’s honest work of tackling crime?” Max’s head came up and he made a strangled noise which I hoped was him choking back laughter because he thought I was cute. “Nope,” Jeff answered through his grin.”

MaxNinaJeff
Book:The Gamble
Create image