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The Calligraphy of God: A Collection of Love Poems

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Jenim Dibie

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“The pain I feel from the Slits ending is worse than splitting up with a boyfriend, my parents divorcing or being chucked out of the Flowers of Romance: this feels like the death of a huge part of myself, two whole thirds gone. Now the Slits are over and Tessa has recovered, I’ve got nowhere to go, nothing to do; I’m cast back into the world like a sycamore seed spinning into the wind. I’m burnt out and my heart is broken. I can’t bear to listen to music. Every time I hear a song I feel physical pain, just to hear instruments is unbearable, it reminds me of what I’ve lost.”

“When I think about all the loss surrounding us in the world and in my own--the loss of high school classmates before our ten-year high school reunion, those with so much ahead of them--my chest tightens at the thought of who these people never got the chance to be.”

“Most mornings all I can think is I am the reason for one person's boulder. A rock to another. Both a joy and a woe in one life cycle. Both the abused and the abuser. The tortured and the torturer. It is not long till I realize that I am always thinking of what I can be to another and never to myself. You see, us humans, we make hundreds and hundreds of bad little Decisions hoping that one of them leads us to the answer. Not knowing that we are in the end, the only answer. The chosen ones. The ones to ourselves.”

“Depression severs all attachments. Mourning differs from depression above all through its strong libidinal attachment to an object. In contrast, depression is objectless and therefore undirected. It is important to distinguish depression from melancholy. Melancholy is preceded by the experience of loss. Therefore it still stands in a relation - namely, negative relation - to the absent thing or party. In contrast, depression is cut off from all relation and attachment. It utterly lacks gravity.”