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Did I Mention I Need You?

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Estelle Maskame

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“Symbolic interactionists are convinced that the self is a function of language. Without talk there would be no self-concept. "We are not born with senses of self. Rather, selves arise in interaction with others. I can only experience myself in relation to others; absent interaction with others, I cannot be a self- I cannot emerge as someone. To the extent that we interact with new acquaintances or have nover conversations with significant others, the self is always in flux. This means there's no "real me"- an etched-in-stone Em Griffin inside my body waiting to be discovered or set free.”

“There is a world beyond the world, the primordial Being, which I call the Universal Mind. This world is independent of its creation, yet its creation depends on it. Still, in its metaphysical “form,” the Being loses its purpose without creating or recreating. The Being must create to keep itself alive. Without creating, it is dead. Creating is not only the source of the Universe but also the source of the continuous life of the Being through myriad forms. The life of the Primordial Being is dependent on its creation and vice versa. The life of one depends on the life of the other, although they always, in a way, stay the same. The Creator is its creation, and its Creation is the Creator. The Universe, or the World, depends on the Primordial Being, the Universal Mind. Yet, it is conditionally independent in creating the always new Self, a new World (ultimately the source of free will).”

“I hate now for men to dote in this way, the ones who don't know me. Their praise lands uncertainly in the air somewhere between the two of us, because it doesn't belong to me. I hate to hear them tell me what I am, even or especially when what they think I am is kind or brilliant or beautiful. I hate when they insist that I have no faults, that my laziness or violence or cruelty simply don't exist. When they speak this way I am even less in my body than usual, feeling the sickness of a stranger look me in the eye and describe what is not there. What I am feeling is their disregard for my reality. I am being made to wear whatever particular fantasy they wish to project. Each time it happens I have to restrain myself from screaming in their faces to prove I am not what they believe me to be. In these moments I am happy with my ugliness and want them to see it. Whatever badness I am I want to be it, to be as much like whatever my self is as possible; as far from the stranger's projection as possible.”