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Indigo Diaries: A Series of Novels

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Sahara Sanders

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“You are so fixated on the now, but what if you could see the future, if you could tell what lies ahead, i guarantee your reaction would be different, in the now. You see this place, where we were born will never be remembered as your birthplace, only mine. Thousand years, it is me, i will be remembered as a child of this district.”

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“A lot of times we struggle in life to find happiness, to find a spouse, to get respect, ratings because the way we see ourselves that’s not how people see us. It is not who we are. What we imagine ourselves to be. We are not it. We have to constantly do self work… Becoming and evolving… Because we are not our best selves… It doesn’t matter what we tell ourselves, the world will reflect the truth back at us… sometimes the world lies… but not all the time.”

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“The burden is not my experiences it is my intellect. The way my brain works. My experiences are very similar to most if not all of us born into unfavorable circumstances. We survive and excel. It’s my purview that makes me think something is wrong wid it: for most people. That’s just life.”

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“Writing is my response to my own crazy world. It's often sporadic, ignited by some noteworthy occurrence in my life. Rarely is it reflective, frequently intrusive. You see sometimes I aim for allegory, but there are certain truths about life that one has to paint as it is, there are ideas that cannot be dressed up. I more than anyone else understands how suffering and personal experiences influences the creative process. My books are nurtured by happiness and despair. Every experience in my everyday life comes with it owns dripping of medicine and or toxins, lessons that only my interactions with others can effectively teach. My life is entirely influenced by human behavior and my books are about my culture and human nature. My degree is from HardKnock Life University. Who I am is a reflection of the people who shaped my life. I am their reflection. I am novelist. The only doctorate i have is on life. The reality of life is the only thing I know.I’m”

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“The issue I have with people who say they love me… Is that I don’t feel loved by them. Their love often seems more like opportunism to me or masked usery. Am not saying this man don’t love me or rate me. I don’t feel that love. I don’t feel loved by him… I am not saying a family member don’t love me or isn’t a good person or hasn’t been good to me… I am just saying that this person they project or profess to be… Is someone I have never experienced… Yes you are this great person to other people… The thing is… I don’t know that person. I’ve never experienced that person and those I reserve the right to feel the way I feel about you as a person and this experience… It also can’t be love if standing up for myself makes you hate me. Love would have led to empathy and not feelings of umbrage. “You know I love you” You can say I love you. But I don’t feel loved by you… Your love means nothing to me if I don’t feel or experience it. Selah.”

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“While I wait to heal, I often find solace in solitude. I don't fully understand why, but I know I must be alone. I withdraw from the world, and in that quiet space, I focus solely on my recovery. This solitude forces me to confront my raw emotions, with no distractions to dull their intensity. It is within these moments of despair that my most brilliant ideas emerge. I allow myself to feel deeply, to the point where I can no longer feel. To overcome heartache, it's essential to exhaust every emotion—cry until the tears run dry, feel until you're tired of feeling, talk about the person until even your own voice bores you. When you are drained, empty, and devoid of emotion, you are almost across the bridge to healing. It is only then that true detachment begins. Each time my heart has been broken, I've learned how to heal myself. Heartbreak no longer holds power over me. I've realized that the only way to get over it is to go through it. The longer I deny my feelings to protect myself, the more pain I endure. But if I accept the situation and fully experience my emotions, the pain fades more quickly. At most, they may occupy my thoughts for a few days; if I loved them deeply, maybe two or three weeks. I simply withdraw from society and return when I am better, when I am healed. During my healing process, I commit to self-improvement. I channel my energy into refining the parts of myself that led to unnecessary pain. I acknowledge my mistakes, see where I went wrong, and take responsibility for my role in my suffering. And as long as he makes no effort, I am gone. The quickest way for any man to lose me is to stop trying and to make his intentions clear. While he may think I am suffering, I am actually healing. I am recalibrating, renewing, and rehabilitating. I am resurrecting, realigning, adjusting, refocusing, and resetting. I am fine-tuning. In the midst of this, I give him nothing—no attention, no thoughts, no feelings. Exes thrive on your negative emotions, so silence must be so profound that it echoes. No attention, no access. They may resort to stalking through fake profiles, but let them exert the effort. Block all other avenues of communication. I am reshaping, reorienting, tweaking, reassessing, reconfiguring, restructuring. In my absence, I am transforming. Ducked. I am for all ill purposes and intentions, my most productive and fruitful self when I am hurt or alone. This leads my naysayers, detractors and enemies to learn that for the most part, excluding death, I am by most standards, indestructible. I will build empires with the stones one throws at me. I will create fertilizers with the trash and feaces hurled at me. I will rise like pheonix from the ashes. I am antifragile, I can withstand trials, tribulations, chaos and uncertainty and grow in the face of adversity. I am the epitome of the resilience paradox, trial bloom, adversity alchemy, refiners fire and the pheonix effect. I am fortitude - me. Ducked. What’s even more magical, is what comes out on the other side of this process. It’s a peace, you do not want anyone to destroy. A clarity, you won’t risk blurring. A renewed you, a different version of you, stronger, fierce, centered and certain. A rebirth, refinement. You never saw it coming. Neither will they. Copyright ©️ 2024 Crystal Evans”

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