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Quote by Crystal Evans

“The issue I have with people who say they love me… Is that I don’t feel loved by them. Their love often seems more like opportunism to me or masked usery. Am not saying this man don’t love me or rate me. I don’t feel that love. I don’t feel loved by him… I am not saying a family member don’t love me or isn’t a good person or hasn’t been good to me… I am just saying that this person they project or profess to be… Is someone I have never experienced… Yes you are this great person to other people… The thing is… I don’t know that person. I’ve never experienced that person and those I reserve the right to feel the way I feel about you as a person and this experience… It also can’t be love if standing up for myself makes you hate me. Love would have led to empathy and not feelings of umbrage. “You know I love you” You can say I love you. But I don’t feel loved by you… Your love means nothing to me if I don’t feel or experience it. Selah.”

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Crystal Evans

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“While I wait to heal, I often find solace in solitude. I don't fully understand why, but I know I must be alone. I withdraw from the world, and in that quiet space, I focus solely on my recovery. This solitude forces me to confront my raw emotions, with no distractions to dull their intensity. It is within these moments of despair that my most brilliant ideas emerge. I allow myself to feel deeply, to the point where I can no longer feel. To overcome heartache, it's essential to exhaust every emotion—cry until the tears run dry, feel until you're tired of feeling, talk about the person until even your own voice bores you. When you are drained, empty, and devoid of emotion, you are almost across the bridge to healing. It is only then that true detachment begins. Each time my heart has been broken, I've learned how to heal myself. Heartbreak no longer holds power over me. I've realized that the only way to get over it is to go through it. The longer I deny my feelings to protect myself, the more pain I endure. But if I accept the situation and fully experience my emotions, the pain fades more quickly. At most, they may occupy my thoughts for a few days; if I loved them deeply, maybe two or three weeks. I simply withdraw from society and return when I am better, when I am healed. During my healing process, I commit to self-improvement. I channel my energy into refining the parts of myself that led to unnecessary pain. I acknowledge my mistakes, see where I went wrong, and take responsibility for my role in my suffering. And as long as he makes no effort, I am gone. The quickest way for any man to lose me is to stop trying and to make his intentions clear. While he may think I am suffering, I am actually healing. I am recalibrating, renewing, and rehabilitating. I am resurrecting, realigning, adjusting, refocusing, and resetting. I am fine-tuning. In the midst of this, I give him nothing—no attention, no thoughts, no feelings. Exes thrive on your negative emotions, so silence must be so profound that it echoes. No attention, no access. They may resort to stalking through fake profiles, but let them exert the effort. Block all other avenues of communication. I am reshaping, reorienting, tweaking, reassessing, reconfiguring, restructuring. In my absence, I am transforming. Ducked. I am for all ill purposes and intentions, my most productive and fruitful self when I am hurt or alone. This leads my naysayers, detractors and enemies to learn that for the most part, excluding death, I am by most standards, indestructible. I will build empires with the stones one throws at me. I will create fertilizers with the trash and feaces hurled at me. I will rise like pheonix from the ashes. I am antifragile, I can withstand trials, tribulations, chaos and uncertainty and grow in the face of adversity. I am the epitome of the resilience paradox, trial bloom, adversity alchemy, refiners fire and the pheonix effect. I am fortitude - me. Ducked. What’s even more magical, is what comes out on the other side of this process. It’s a peace, you do not want anyone to destroy. A clarity, you won’t risk blurring. A renewed you, a different version of you, stronger, fierce, centered and certain. A rebirth, refinement. You never saw it coming. Neither will they. Copyright ©️ 2024 Crystal Evans”

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“I know what it feels like to unravel. I know how an unhinged state can feel like normal. . I sympathized with suicidal people because I know how the darkness can be… and depression feeds on you like bacteria… some days it’s active and other days it lays dormant in the permafrost of routine and life’s demands. I imagine the pain I feel on my worst days and then think about how painful it must have been for those who decided to end it all.”

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“Me to corporate when I apply for traditional roles: Corporate Jamaican people: You write books? Me: Yeah. I write emails, proposals, white papers, codes, RFPs, RFQ,RFI… I study human behavior, psychology etc. I discuss, I persuade, i insist, argue, negotiate, proselytize and with 200,000 followers. I influence …Best corporate executive cannot be a writer, but the best writers can be anything. Have you seen the thickness of one of my novels? Then you understand how committed I am to any process with no surety that it will work out in my favour. The ability to do boring, tedious, repetitive tasks without supervision or direction for long periods of time with no immediate reward… Works likes charm every time.”

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“Nah. I think we have ran our course. Yeah. Am not feeling this anymore. I don’t have these type of relationships with people. Not even my friends. All my relationships are holistic. I don’t keep people in my circle weh can’t even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on anything. It’s demeaning, it’s devaluing, its unfeeling and cruel it’s has to be deliberate. Because I’ve never heard anything good from you to me. I don’t live like that with people and I am forced to live like that with you in order to retain my dignity. I don’t like it. I don’t like not being myself just so I can keep score with you. I don’t want to pretend indifference after either. In the past I held on to a cobweb. Now am holding on to nothing. The other men are a foil for you. They just show me that I really settled for nothing with you and got less than nothing. I am frankly embarrassed and ashamed of myself for choosing you. I don’t wan’t to feel like that anymore. I have never liked the way I feel when I am with you. I’ve met better men, richer men. more handsome men that don’t treat me this way. I’ve lost all my feelings for you. There is nothing left. Nothing.”

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