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Quote by Colette Dowling

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The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence

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Colette Dowling

Colette Dowling, born in 1938, is an accomplished writer known for her unique style and profound insights into the lives of women. more

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“Women retain their dependence needs long past the developmental point at which those needs are normal and healthy. Unbeknownst to others - and worse, unbeknownst to ourselves - we carry dependency within us like some autoimmune disease. We carry it with us from kindergarten through college and graduate school, into our careers, and into the convenient "arrangement" of our marriages. (...) Much of the time - for many of us, all of the time - our unwillingness to stand on our own two feet goes unnoticed because it's expected. Women are relational creatures. They nurture and need. This, we have been told for many, many years, is nature. And although it cripples us, we have to let it go unquestioned.”

WomenFeminismPatriarchyGender RolesSocietal ConstructsCinderella ComplexEmotional Dependence
Book:The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence
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“Much of what is considered "good" in little girls is considered downright repulsive in little boys. Physical timidity or hypercautiousness, being quietly "well behaved", and depending on others for help and support are thought to be natural - if not outright charming - in girls. Boys, however, are actively discouraged from the dependent forms of relating, which are considered "sissyish" in male children.”

WomenFeminismPatriarchyGender RolesSocietal ConstructsCinderella ComplexEmotional DependenceFemale Socialization
Book:The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence
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“One strong idea being put forth these days (...) is that women should above all be given choice. (...) But this "right to choose" whether or not we provide for ourselves has contributed mightily to the female achievement gap. Because they have the social option to stay home, women can - and often do - back off from assuming responsibility for themselves. (...) There is something wrong with this. (...) We want so desperately to believe that we do not have to be responsible for our own welfare.”

WomenFeminismGender RolesMale PrivilegeSocietal ConstructsCinderella ComplexEmotional DependenceEconomic DependenceThe Fallacy Of Choice
Book:The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence
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“Because of a profound, deep-seated doubt in their own competence, which begins in early childhood, girls become convinced that they must have protection if they are going to survive. This belief is bred into women by misguided social expectations (...) Girls are trained very differently than boys. The training leads to their becoming adults who stay stuck in jobs beneath their capabilities. It leads them to feel intimidated by the men they marry, and to defer to them in the hope of being protected. It even leads (...) to the crippling of women's intellectual abilities. Long praised by teachers for being diligent and dutiful in school, we who rely on dutifulness to get us by in the professional world son find ourselves being treated as if we were not quite grown up. (...) Not to be taken seriously. And (...) easily exploitable. (...) The way girls are socialized continues to predetermine an agonizing conflict over the psychological independence that's necessary if women are ever to spring free and take their place in the sun.”

WomenFeminismPatriarchyGender RolesMale PrivilegeSocietal ConstructsCinderella ComplexEmotional Dependence
Book:The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence
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“While we've painted the guardians of the pale in a somewhat reactionary light, let's give the gatekeepers their due. What lies beyond the pale isn't always safe and secure. Outside the fence of state-sanctioned consciousness, there are, to be sure, peaks of profound insight and inspiration. But there are also the swamps of addiction, superstition, and groupthink, where the unprepared can get stuck.”

ConventionsDrugsDrug AddictionDrug ProhibitionSocietal ConstructsContrabandWar On Consciousness
Book:Stealing Fire: How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs, and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work
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“Here was a question she'd considered at some length: at New Hope she'd been taught that premarital sex was more than just a bad idea, it was sinful. In God's eyes, though, what was the difference between having sex with someone you loved before you were married, and having sex with someone you loved after you were married? If you undertook the act in a genuine state of mind and heart, if it was done in love, didn't that make it a pure act? God knew her heart.”

LoveChurchSocietal Constructs
Author:Therese Anne Fowler
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“Above all, the abusive man wants to avoid having you zero in on his abusiveness itself. So he tries to fill your head up with excuses and distortions and keep you weighed down with self-doubt and self-blame. And, unfortunately, much of the society tends to follow unsuspectingly along behind him, helping him to close your eyes, and his, to his problem.”

Abusive MenSocietal ConstructsSocietal Abuse
Book:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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