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Quote by Esther Perel

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Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic

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Author

Esther Perel
Esther Perel

Esther Perel is a renowned author and therapist known for her profound insights into couple relationships and sexual psychology. Her work delves into the complexities of modern marriage, love, and sex, offering readers a unique perspective. more

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“You feel these men with their photographs in magazines care deeply about having their photographs in magazines. Derive immense meaning.' 'I do. They must. I would. Else why would I burn like this to feel as they feel?' 'The meaning they feel, you mean. From the fame.' 'Lyle don't they?' ... 'LaMont, perhaps they did at first. The first photograph, the first magazine, the gratified surge, the seeing themselves as others see them, the hagiography of image, perhaps. Perhaps the first time: enjoyment. After that, do you trust me, trust me: they do not feel what you burn for. After the first surge, they care only that their photographs seem awkward or unflattering, or untrue, or that their privacy, this thing you burn to escape, what they call their privacy is being violated. Something changes. After the first photograph has been in a magazine, the famous men do not enjoy their photographs in magazines so much as they fear that their photographs will cease to appear in magazines. They are trapped, just as you are.' 'Is this supposed to be good news? This is awful news.' 'LaMont, are you willing to listen to a Remark about what is true?' 'Okey-dokey.' 'The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.' "maybe I ought to be getting back.' 'LaMont, the world is very old. You have been snared by something untrue. You are deluded. But this is good news. You have been snared by the delusion that envy has a reciprocal. You assume that there is a flip-side to your painful envy of Michael Change: namely Micheal Change's enjoyable feeling of being-envied-by-LaMong-Chu. No such animal.' 'Animal?' 'You burn with hunger for food that does not exist.' 'The burning doesn't go away?' 'What fire dies when you feed it?' ... 'Would I sound ungrateful if I said this doesn't make me feel very much better at all?' "LaMont, the truth is that the world is incredibly, incredibly, unbelievably old. You suffer with the stunted desire caused by one of its oldest lies. Do not believe the photographs. Fame is not the exit from any cage' 'So I'm stuck in the cage from either side Fame or tortured envy of fame. There's no way out.' 'You might consider how escape from a cage must surely require, foremost, awareness of the fact of the cage. And I believe I see a drop on your temple, right ... there ....' Etc.”

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“Gabriel used to love late nights and early mornings. Those moments when most of the world was still dozing and its minds went quiet to him. Not gone – never gone – but they turned to a white noise like the rush of the sea on a beach. He never used to care about not being able to touch a dreamer’s mind. It was a reprieve, a stolen beat to be alone in his own head without their thoughts and desires tugging him into a dozen different directions. It took a lot of early mornings as a kid, and late nights as a teenager, and some combination of both as an adult, to begin unpicking what he wanted from the pull of other people’s expectations. By the time he met Isaac, he knew for sure. Or, maybe, Isaac was the first thing he’d ever wanted so badly that it couldn’t possibly be anyone else’s.”

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