“Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.” PeopleThinkingWellsUseOrderCommunityBabyProgramDancingMalesActiveForestsNakedCelebrateDemonWitchStolenTurkeysWitchcraftLegionOutreach Author:Amy Sedaris
“This is the universal property of the human mind. Abstract rules form the core of everything from computer programs to grammars. Our results show that babies' minds are built to look for such rules - even without being told.” MindHumansLooksShowsFormResultsBabyEvolutionComputerBuiltProgramUniversalPropertyCoreAbstractHuman MindGrammar Author:Gary Marcus
“[Gilda Radner] was in the in vitro fertilization program, and it nearly, nearly drove us apart, too. She wanted that baby, so badly, and it didn't work. Oddly enough, when we were doing "Haunted Honeymoon" in London, she did become pregnant for about 10 days, but then she lost it. But, anyway, my odyssey with Gilda was wonderful, funny, torturous, painful and sad. It was - it went the full gamut.” EnoughWantedLostWonderfulBabyProgramPainfulLondonPregnantHoneymoonOdysseyFertilization Author:Gene Wilder
“The software program for motherhood is impossible to fully download into the male brain. You give them two tasks and they're like, 'I have to change the baby and get the dry cleaning?'” GivingTwoBrainImpossibleBabyProgramTasksMalesMotherhoodDrySoftwareCleaningDownloadsDry Cleaning Author:Allison Pearson
“Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month.” ScienceFailingTheoryBabyMonthsProgramNinePregnantCrashGreat ScienceFunny Science Author:Wernher von Braun