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Chad Lucas Books

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“And mayonnaise is the whitest food.” “Mayonnaise isn’t a food.” “How is it not a food?” “No one eats just mayo straight from the jar. It’s a sauce.” “Weak sauce.” “So that’s your definition of food? What about peanut butter?” “Of course peanut butter’s a food. Don’t you ever eat it straight from the jar?” “Well, yeah.” “What if something’s gross unless you put other stuff on it? Like, no one eats plain oatmeal, right? Is it a food?” “Plain oatmeal is communist.” “Pickled eggs are for serial killers.” “Nasty. Who’d eat a pickled egg?” “Exactly! It’s like eating a giant eyeball.” “Pickled eggs dipped in mayo. Yum.” “If you ever open a fridge and there’s nothing but pickled eggs and mayo, run for your life. Hundred percent chance you’re at a serial killer’s house.” We were back to being ridiculous, like at most of our sleepovers. Every time I laughed, the rock grew smaller.”

HumorFood
Book:Thanks a Lot, Universe
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