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“Out there in the chrysanthemum light, the day was at its best. The sun was setting later and later, leaving behind a strange way of making the time fade away and nearly disappear, as though night truly wouldn’t come. Helen looked to the side at Stuart. He seemed different in this lighting, both stronger and softer than usual. Like salt, the time of day made everything he was more rich and intense. His eyes met hers and he turned, his full body facing her. With a single step, he was standing closer to her than he ever had before, the space between them nearly as small as the space between heartbeats.”

“She knew a part of her would always be waiting for Stuart. Even if life went on and she found someone to share her days and nights with, there would forever be a candle for him. He would always visit her in her dreams. How strange that knowledge felt, that someone who had just been in her life a handful of months could stay in her heart forever. Shouldn’t the memories last only as long as the moments had? But no, she was learning. Memories were made of something stronger than time could easily erode. It was so disproportionate, absurd even, but true all the same.”

“At last Stuart looked away from Helen and back to the piano as he picked up on Helen’s cue. In the Mood filled the small living room the way fragrance fills a garden after rain. Helen felt almost tipsy, perhaps from the music or the look Stuart had given her, or because people so rarely dance without being tipsy. Lyric bounced on Helen’s hip, the girl’s thin legs bopping against Helen’s body. Then as Helen swung and spun the child over the rug, the most remarkable thing happened. It started like a freshly sprung leak, then the moment before it came, Helen saw it in Lyric’s eyes. The leak busted, a water main of laughter bursting and arching into the room. Lyric’s laugh was the most beautiful sound Helen had ever heard. Her first thought was that Mum had been right—there is magic on this earth, and at last Helen had found it, hiding, inside this little girl. To Helen, it felt as though she'd spent so many days in the cold of winter, and was now hearing the birds return.”

“She had thought it would be easy from there. It wasn’t. It was simple, but not easy. There was joy, but terror, too, as though stepping back from a ship’s helm and letting the journey go. It sounded romantic enough until being dashed to pieces against the rocks. It was the loveliest tiny moments that would drench Helen in happiness, like when Lyric was nestled in the crook of her arm, resisting falling asleep. Helen had brushed a finger down the child’s nose. Her drowsy eyes had fluttered yet followed Helen’s finger, going cross-eyed just as Helen reached the nose tip. For a moment, the joy and love saturated everything.”

“Making a home, she realized immediately, was much more than having the dust cleared and the lawn trimmed. For years—decades, even—she and her brothers had taken for granted the way their mother tucked extra blankets around them on nights that turned especially cold or how their father set down his tools and bent over to look them in the eyes when they spoke. Or better yet, handed them a tool and let them work alongside him. As children, they had been oblivious to all their parents did—perfectly, contentedly oblivious. But she wasn’t anymore. She felt it all. Like a forehead kiss when thought to be sleeping, the love was there whether noticed or not. All give, no take. However, the thing about abundant love is that it needs somewhere to go.”

“And sometimes, if she was brave enough, she would turn to the memories of little James. Not the end, but the days before. When she would slide her pinky into his open palm and his tiny fingers would close tight around it. He would peer around the room with his brand-new eyes, and Helen thought that perhaps after the womb, this dark, tight space probably seemed about right. He was wonderfully oblivious to the danger they were in. She became his protector, and for those days, that was all she was. It changed everything. It changed her. And somehow, he in turn protected Helen. He was the sun that couldn’t reach them—he broke away the darkness. As she thought of him, of those red curls and blue eyes, Helen found herself feeling the warmth from him, even though he was gone.”

“With eyes still closed, Helen sensed Stuart drawing nearer. Perhaps it was his breath upon her skin, though it seemed to her more than that. It was as if their very souls extended their bodies by only tiny degrees, and now even though their flesh didn’t touch, their spirits did. She felt him in a way that was real, yet could not be measured, like how an echo can have a voice without having a mouth. She felt him in the heartbeats and the gaps between each, felt the air charged between them, felt the ache of her skin to have what their souls had found. To be touched, and to touch. Then with the softest trace of his lips, Helen felt her tears kissed away. One, two, three of them, and he stopped. For a second, she was still, wondering if he would go on, if his lips would find her own, but only the roar of the wind came.”

“The port teemed with children. Helen had been rushing, the will carefully tucked in the crook of her arm, when she turned the corner and the sight of their little faces stopped her in her tracks. They were a ragged little crowd, their hair in disarray from the night spent sleeping on their siblings’ shoulders, but Helen thought they were beautiful. Notes pinned to their coats declared their names, and every hand held something, whether an adult-sized suitcase or the grip of a sibling. It was the brothers and sisters who broke Helen’s heart the most. For all the bickering they likely once did, they now clung to each other as a soul does to a body. Don’t separate us, their small faces begged, necks craned to look up at the clusters of adults watching them. Wherever we must go, just let it be together.”