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The Secret History

Book by Donna Tartt · 5 quotes · The Secret History, Donna Tartt, Beauty

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The Secret History Quotes

“Regardless of what Julian felt for me, there was no denying that what I felt for him was love and trust of a very genuine sort. As my own parents had distanced themselves from me more and more - a retreat they had been in the process of effecting for many years - it was Julian who had grown to be the sole figure of paternal benevolence in my life, or, indeed, of benevolence of any sort. To me, he seemed my only protector in the world.”

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“It has always been hard for me to talk about Julian without romanticizing him. In many ways, I loved him the most of all; and it is with him that I am most tempted to embroider, to flatter, to basically reinvent. I think that is because Julian himself was constantly in the process of reinventing the people and events around him, conferring kindness, or wisdom, or bravery, or charm, on actions which contained nothing of the sort. It was one of the reasons I loved him: for that flattering light in which he saw me, for the person I was when I was with him, for what it was he allowed me to be.”

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“At the sight of his quizzical, kindly face - so sweet, so agreeable, so glad to see me - something wrenched deep in my chest. 'Richard' he said again, as if there were no one on earth he could possibly be so delighted to see. 'How are you?' 'Fine.' 'I'm just going over to North Hampden. Will you walk with me?' I looked at the innocent, happy face and thought: If only he knew. It would kill him. 'Julian, I'd love to, thanks,' I said. 'But I have to be getting home.' He looked at me closely. The concern in his eyes made me nearly sick with self-loathing. 'I see so little of you these days, Richard,' he said. 'I feel that you're becoming just a shadow in my life.' The benevolence, the spiritual calm, that radiated from him seemed so clear and true that, for a dizzying moment, I felt the darkness lift almost palpably from my heart. The relief was such that I almost broke down sobbing; but then, looking at him again, I felt the whole poisonous weight come crashing back down, full force. 'Are you sure you're all right?' He can never know. We can never tell him. 'Oh. Sure I am,' I said. 'I'm fine.”

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