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Harriet Lerner Books

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“There is courage in speaking. We voice our differences, we share real feelings, we address a painful emotional issue, open a family secret, tell the truth. We take a clear position on things that matter to us. We clarify the limits of what we can or can’t do. We speak not with the intention of getting comfortable but with the intention of being our best selves, even though we may be shaking in our boots.”

CourageSpeakingSpeak Out
Book:The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self
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“We need to listen carefully to the wisdom of our symptoms and to try to decode their meaning, because some of us have learned to settle, to fall silent; to deny that unfair circumstances exist or matter, and then to call our compromises “life.” But our bodies, our deeper unconscious selves, remain harder to fool.”

LifeSelfSilentConnectionExistSettleDecode
Book:The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
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“But fibbing, including “polite” or social lies, can become part of the daily fabric of living—a way of avoiding conflict and complication that becomes so habitual we fail to notice even the fact of it and its imperceptible erosion of our integrity and our relationships.”

LyingRelationshipsIntegrityAvoidanceFibbing
Book:The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships
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“Change is an anxiety-arousing business, both for the one doing the changing and for those affected by the change. Often we fear that another person’s move toward new ideas and experiences will create a gulf so wide that we will not be able to reach them.”

ChangeDevelopmentLoyalityUncounscious
Book:The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self
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“Working to restore our voice with members of our first family can be a terrific learning experience. We didn't choose these difficult folks, but, as adults, how we talk to them is up to us. Observing and changing our part in family conversations is one royal road to change. In other words, if you can learn to speak clearly and to respond in a new way with your difficult mother or sister, then other relationships will be a piece of cake.”

RelationshipsFamilyTherapyConnectionSelf Help QuotesConnectednessPsychiatric
Book:The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
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“Solid self-esteem in adulthood is hard earned. It comes from tapping into our own creativity and personal pleasures, from developing our competence and our connections, from participating in friendship, intimacy, and community. It develops from living in accord with our deeply held values and priorities, from learning to recognize and share both competence and vulnerability, and from navigating relationships with integrity, balance, and generosity of spirit. Living well is the work of a lifetime that demands our full attention.”

InspirationalMaturity Growth WisdomSelf Esteeem
Book:The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self
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