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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Book by Henry Cloud · 2 quotes · Boundaries, Boundaries Quotes, Psychology

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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Quotes

“Anger tells us that our boundaries have been violated. ... However, as with all emotions, anger doesn't understand time. Anger doesn't dissipate automatically if the danger occurred two minutes ago—or twenty years ago! It has to be worked through appropriately. Otherwise, anger simply lives inside the heart. This is why individuals with injured boundaries often are shocked by the rage they feel inside when they begin setting limits. This is generally not 'new anger'—it's 'old anger.' It's often years of nos that were never voiced, never respected, and never listened to. The protests against all the evil and violation of our souls sit inside us, waiting to tell their truths.”

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“Boundary construction is most evident in three-year-olds. By this time, they should have mastered the following tasks: 1. The ability to be emotionally attached to others, yet without giving up a sense of self and one‘s freedom to be apart, 2. The ability to say appropriate no's to others without fear of loss of love, 3. The ability to take appropriate no's from others without withdrawing emotionally. Noting these tasks, a friend said half-joking, "They need to learn this by age three? How about by fourty-three?" Yes, these are tall orders but boundary development is essential in the early years of life.”

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Book:Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
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