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Famous JoAnneh Nagler Quotes

“When there was trouble, we would come towards the relationship, not move away from it—meaning we had to be willing to talk. We would live within our means. We both had to figure out a simple way to manage our lives, our time, our money—together and individually—and we had to do it without micromanaging the other.”

“Most of us, if we’re honest about it, want to be adored and held dear in our love life. We want to reach that twentieth, or thirty-second, or forty-fifth wedding anniversary and be able to say, “She’s the love of my life, and I can’t possibly imagine a day without her,” or “He’s the very best person I know, and I am so lucky to be in love with him.” We want intimacy, we want sweetness and joy, and we want a grace-filled experience of love. But look around. Who has taught us to love well? Who has given us the skills we need to help make our genuine commitment translate itself into a daily loving practice? For many of us, the answer is: no one. No one has taught us how to do this, so we must teach ourselves.”

“The Naked Date is an hour or two we set aside each week to get naked with each other. It’s a set time that allows us to take off our clothes, get in bed, and get close to each other. It might be sexual; it might not be. It is scheduled sensual time during which we set aside the pressures of daily life and get next to each other, skin to skin.”

“The Naked Date is not a time to vent about your controlling boss or discuss your child’s learning disability; it’s not the time to banter about the repairs going on in the kitchen or whether you should put your house on the market. In fact, it’s not a talking event at all. In its purest form, the Naked Date is a time to get sensual, get skin-to-skin, and be close—a time set aside for love, sex, and intimate sensuality. Does it have to be sexual every time? No. But it does need to be close.”

“The upshot is, if we want a happy love affair, we need to put some hours into having some romance, too. The hour or two we set aside for sensual connection with the Naked Date needs that support to help keep our arousal accessible. That means we want to plan for a bit of romance in our marriage, as well planning for our sexual time, and adapt ourselves to its nature.”

“Family life relies upon the glue between a wife and husband (or wife and wife, husband and husband in same-sex marriages.) When we start letting that glue get dry and crusty, it starts to chip away at the very foundation we’re counting on for our family life. Intimacy, plain and simple, is that glue. Going for months at a time without connecting with our partner sensually will, over time, take chunks out of the very bedrock we’re counting on to keep our family intact. Our kids rely on us to keep our love and family together, so we have to have an ethic of doing just that.”

“Our partnership is the primary bond. Not our kids. And as compelling as it is to turn our full attention to our new baby, our toddler, our young kids or our teens, if we leave our partner out in the cold, we will chip away at the very core of what holds our loving family together. We will, without doubt, put our family at risk. We have to find balance. Though it’s not always easy, with a little practice and a few simple shortcuts applied, we can realistically do it. Love is an active verb.”

“The best thing we can bring to our marriage is willingness. We have to love our partner enough to be willing to try to make our experience together more peaceful, more honest, more courageous, more open-hearted, and more sensual. To bring our A game to the table and start taking steps to play it out. I truly believe that the skills of loving well can be learned, simply and easily—and that, in fact, they need to be learned. T”

“The Naked Date is not a time to vent about your controlling boss or discuss your child’s learning disability; it’s not the time to banter about the repairs going on in the kitchen or whether you should put your house on the market. In fact, it’s not a talking event at all. In its purest form, the Naked Date is a time to get sensual, get skin-to-skin, and be close—a time set aside for love, sex, and intimate sensuality. Does it have to be sexual every time? No. But it does need to be close. (...) When you do this week after week, your partner will begin to feel the respect you offer him or her by your willingness to show up. He or she will know that you value your intimate time together, and that you’re willing to set aside your worries and cares and then connect. That’s a huge thing all by itself.”

“There are three aspects of a relationship that need to be attended to: my being and needs, my spouse’s needs, and the marriage’s needs. The marriage is an entity all by itself, and just like a child or a creative project, we have to feed it and nurture it. So sometimes we have to show up for it when we don’t initially feel like it.”

“We want the mastery of being able to lead our husband or wife into love. To stop thinking of passion as a hormonal experience for twenty-three-year-olds, and start living it for what it is: an adult, time-bound, mastery-seeking, exquisitely experiential ability to make our partner’s heart and senses go from zero to one hundred, over an adult timeline, just because we led him or her there. Just because we can. That’s what romance is all about. Guiding and awakening, with the expertise of all of our sensual art forms, arousing our lover to love.”