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“I would’ve kept my word,” he goes on. “Just kissing you and holding you, and that would’ve been enough then, because just the feel of you drove me out of my mind.” His breath is hot on my skin, and I hear the desire in his voice. “l would’ve sat you down on the counter in my parents’ dark kitchen that night, standing between your legs as I ate you up, because at any moment we could’ve been caught, and I wanted to get us into trouble. I wanted them to try to keep me from you the way they always did, only this time I wouldn’t have listened.”

“Are you staring at me?” I whispered. “Yes.” My breathing got shallower, and I adjusted my hand in his, not sure if it was his sweat or mine I was feeling. “Why?” I asked. He hesitated a moment before answering. “You surprised me,” he said quietly. “Do you use the word ‘fucking’ a lot?” My shoulders started to drop. Was I too crude? “No,” I admitted, looking away. “I—” “It sounds good on you, Rika,” he cut me off, putting me at ease. “Use it more often.”

“Hey,” she giggled, and I could hear her friends’ chatter in the background. “I’m not drinking. I might do some kissing. And I’m raising a little hell. Proud of me?” “Go to the theater,” I blurted out. “Now. It’s an emergency. Stay there until I come and get you.” There was silence, and I half-expected to be questioned, but she didn’t fight. I heard her swallow. “Okay,” she replied quietly. “I’ll text when I’m there.” “Love you,” I said. “Love you too.”

“Just shut up.” But he doesn’t. “I’m not saying you should do anything. And that’s why I stepped in and didn’t let you bring her home.” His tone turns serious. “All kidding aside, Pike,” he goes on, “she is exactly your type. You shouldn’t be alone with her.” Yeah. I know. I just hope he’s the only person who’s noticed. “Thanks for the intervention,” I tell him, “but even if I were attracted to her, I’m capable of controlling myself.” “You’re not seeing yourself from my perspective.” He looks out the front windshield, solemn. “You look at each other like…” “Like?” He swallows, an unusually troubled pinch to his brow. “Like the two of you have your own language.”

“I’m not a good father.” I breathed out a sigh, clutching her. “Ivarsen has no discipline. He’s going to be undriven. Fane is neurotic. Everything has to be perfect. Gunnar is going to blow us up with his machines. Dag has refused to eat a vegetable since birth, and Octavia’s going to wind up in a fucking asylum when she finds out real life pirates are just terrorists with grenade launchers.” I gulped, hating that after thousands of years there was still no proven method of raising kids. “I don’t know what to do. How the hell would I know what a good parent does and doesn’t do?”

“Just wanted to hold you.” His voice loomed somewhere over my head as my eyes started to close. “And say I’m really fucking sor—” “What?” I asked, giving out and falling into him. “I can’t understand you.” “Don’t let me go,” he whispered in my ear. “Don’t let go.” “I’m gonna…” My mouth was so dry. “I’m gonna send you to jail.” His lips rested against my cheek, and I thought I felt his body shake with a silent sob. But as I fell into sleep and oblivion, his words were sharp and clear in my ear. “Then you better hope I never get out.”

“What does he look like?” Winter whispered up at me, her voice raspy. I smoothed my hand over both their heads. “Like next year he’ll be running around in the fountains with us,” I told her. “He’s perfect, baby. Black hair, a little pissed off…” She snorted, and I thought about what he’d look like in a year when he was walking and running and laughing and playing. I wanted the noise. I wanted it all over the house. I wanted it filling our lives from here on out.”

“Kai’s kids had great manners and were fairly quiet. Athos was smart, ambitious, and determined. Will’s children never fought him on anything. They did what they were told the first time he asked. My kids… But I stopped the thought in its tracks, remembering Ivar helping his mom make pancakes this morning. My kids could be really sweet, actually, couldn’t they? Gunnar was so good about helping with spills, so his mom wouldn’t slip. Fane helped her pick out books at the store for Dag and Octavia, describing the pictures and story, so she knew what to buy.”

“You made the world look different,” he told me. “You always had, and it struck me as odd, because I had hated to watch my mother dance growing up. It was just some elaborate lie that I couldn’t stomach, but you…” He trailed off, searching for words. “It was pure, and it was a dream. I didn’t want to change you. I just wanted to be a part of it all. Of everything beautiful you were going to do.”

“Why is she crying?” I barked at the doctor. “Because it fucking hurts!” she yelped, answering for him. “Well, give her something!” “It’s too late for that now,” he mumbled through his mask and then peered over Winter’s legs. “Plus, you wanted natural childbirth, right?” “What the fuck for?” I burst out, looking down at her like she had three heads. “We didn’t talk about that.”

“If I ever thought I couldn’t do something with her, then I wasn’t doing it at all. “Your place is at my side,” I told her. “Say it.” She whispered, “My place is at your side.” “Louder.” I shook her gently, but my tone was firm. “My woman doesn’t ask permission. She’s a force. Say it louder.” Her chin started to tremble, but her voice burst out strong. “My place is at your side.” And I kissed her, making sure she fucking believed it. She was always wanted.”

“He’s perfect, you know?” I scaled my hands down her back. “You did an amazing job. I just hope he has more you than me in him.” She nodded, agreeing, and I gave her a swat on the ass. She laughed. “So what are we naming him, then?” she asked. “We didn’t decide?” “Not that I remember.” I closed my eyes, shaking my head. God, I had no idea. Nothing old, please. And nothing biblical. Oh, and nothing unisex. Like Peyton, Leighton, or Drayton.”

“Mayor Fane?” he teased to Erika, I assumed. “Two idiots are drag racing around Thunder Bay. Can you call the station and tell all units to report to Delphi heading east?” he asked and then clarified. “Alllllll units.” I heard her voice on the other end. I couldn’t tell what she was saying, but it sounded like an angry ferret. “Don’t be a douche,” he said, picking at the cord of his hoodie. “What else do you do all day anyway?” More angry chatter. “Suck me,” he mumbled, and then she said something else, and then he said, “Yeah, your mom…”

“Abuse can feel like love." I blinked, the voice so close that my ears tingled. Slowly, I raised my eyes to look at the side of Damon Torrance's face, his shirt wrinkled, and his tie draped around his neck. The whole class fell silent, and I glanced at Will next to me, seeing his eyebrows pinched together as he looked at the back of his friend's head. Mr. Townsend approached. "Abuse can feel like love..." he repeated. "Why?" Damon remained so still it didn't look like he was breathing. He looked at the teacher, unwavering. "Starving people will eat anything.”

“He rose up out of his chair, the hint of disdain on his face as he picked up the hoodie. “Not every woman in this world will be for your personal amusement,” he bit out, staring down at me. “Someday one of them will be your kid, and you’re gonna damn well worry when she’s drawing the wrong kind of attention.” “You teach your daughter to hide in everyone else’s world,” I shot back, “and I’ll teach mine everyone else exists in hers. Go fuck yourself, and leave the kid alone.”