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HOMESTEADING in the CALM EYE of the STORM: A Therapist Navigates His Complex PTSD

Book by Pete Walker · 4 quotes · Death, Affect Regulation, Birth

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HOMESTEADING in the CALM EYE of the STORM: A Therapist Navigates His Complex PTSD Quotes

“Later, when I process Betty's death with Eileen, the wise volunteer coordinator, she says: "You know, Pete, the Buddhists say: 'A new baby cries when it comes into the world, but everyone else laughs in delight. But everyone cries when a person dies... except the person, who instead laughs in joy at returning home.'" "I've got to tell you, Pete, I've been doing this work for a long time, and every time I'm at a deathbed, I feel mildly envious of the person who has just passed.”

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Book:HOMESTEADING in the CALM EYE of the STORM: A Therapist Navigates His Complex PTSD
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“As a self-appointed spokesperson for the importance of feelings, I feel like a pariah among my peers. My poor colleagues are in the thrall of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Scientifically hamstrung CBT barely recognizes the legitimacy of feelings! They are phenomena that must be subjected to affect regulation via processes that can turn people into emotional eunuchs.”

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“I still occasionally feel angry at the pundits who seduced me into believing that enduring enlightenment is attainable. I mean what are the odds? Maybe the Buddha got there, but I have not met anyone who has experienced anything more than satoris - brief openings of enlightened awareness. Over the decades I have met numerous gurus and spiritual teachers who claimed to reside permanently in illumination. Whenever I was around them long enough, I soon saw evidence of dissociative delusion or egotistical grandiosity. The grandiose ones were the most common. The flaws of these "Masters" leaked out commonly as less than kind superiority. Frequently, they sexually or financially exploited their followers. Even those who presented a convincing facade of loving gentleness were typical harsh to their closest devotees when no one else war around.”

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“I make the rounds, briefly interacting with conscious patients, and silently dispensing blessings to those who are checked out or comatose. I then settle at Betty's bedside. She releases a shuddering breath and becomes still. I look closely for evidence of breathing. I occasionally think I see her open eyes shimmer. But then my certainty grows that she has passed. I alternate between humming and meditating for the next hour and finally lay my palm on her forehead and feel a chill settling into her dead body. My subsequent reaction astounds me. Instead of grief, I feel a great sense of relief. All quality of life ceased long ago for her. She has transitioned.”

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