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Pete Walker Books

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“When I delve deeply enough into a client's experience, no matter how initially perplexing or intemperate it may at first seem, I inevitably find psychological sense in it...In fact, I can honestly say that I have never met a feeling or behavior that did not make sense when viewed through the lenses of transference and traumatology.”

PsychologyEmpathyTraumaTherapyComplex Ptsd
Book:Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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“Later, when I process Betty's death with Eileen, the wise volunteer coordinator, she says: "You know, Pete, the Buddhists say: 'A new baby cries when it comes into the world, but everyone else laughs in delight. But everyone cries when a person dies... except the person, who instead laughs in joy at returning home.'" "I've got to tell you, Pete, I've been doing this work for a long time, and every time I'm at a deathbed, I feel mildly envious of the person who has just passed.”

DeathBirthFear Of Death
Book:HOMESTEADING in the CALM EYE of the STORM: A Therapist Navigates His Complex PTSD
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“Emotional incest is yet another form of emotional abuse. Emotional incest commonly involves the reversal of the parent/child roles. When this occurs, the mother or father "parentifies" the child who is then manipulated to gratify the unmet childhood needs of the parent. This typically manifests as the parent pumping the child for the unconditional love that she should herself be giving.”

LoveHealingChildhoodAbuseParentingEmotional Abuse
Book:The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness Out of Blame
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“As a self-appointed spokesperson for the importance of feelings, I feel like a pariah among my peers. My poor colleagues are in the thrall of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Scientifically hamstrung CBT barely recognizes the legitimacy of feelings! They are phenomena that must be subjected to affect regulation via processes that can turn people into emotional eunuchs.”

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Book:HOMESTEADING in the CALM EYE of the STORM: A Therapist Navigates His Complex PTSD
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“Perfectionism is the unparalleled defense for emotionally abandoned children. The existential unattainability of perfection saves the child from giving up, unless or until, scant success forces him to retreat into the depression of a dissociative disorder, or launches him hyperactively into an incipient conduct disorder. Perfectionism also provides a sense of meaning and direction for the powerless and unsupported child. In the guise of self-control, striving to be perfect offers a simulacrum of a sense of control. Self-control is also safer to pursue because abandoning parents typically reserve their severest punishment for children who are vocal about their negligence.”

Mental HealthPunishmentMental IllnessChild AbuseSelf ControlEmotional AbuseAbandonmentDissociative Identity DisorderPerfectionismDissociationSurvivorsPowerlessnessDissociative DisorderPsychological AbuseSurvivors Of AbuseAbusive ParentsDefense MechanismChild NeglectEmotionally UnavailableConduct Disorder
Author:Pete Walker
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“Many psychologists use the term existential to describe the fact that all human beings are subject to painful events. These are the normal recurring afflictions that everyone suffers from time to time. Horrible world events, difficult choices, illnesses and periodic feelings go abject loneliness are common examples of existential pain. Existential calamities can be especially triggering for survivors, because we typically have so much family-of-origin calamity for them to trigger us into reliving.”

FamilyTriggersSurvivorsLonlinessTriggerCptsdFamily DysfunctionExistential Triggers
Book:Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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“I still occasionally feel angry at the pundits who seduced me into believing that enduring enlightenment is attainable. I mean what are the odds? Maybe the Buddha got there, but I have not met anyone who has experienced anything more than satoris - brief openings of enlightened awareness. Over the decades I have met numerous gurus and spiritual teachers who claimed to reside permanently in illumination. Whenever I was around them long enough, I soon saw evidence of dissociative delusion or egotistical grandiosity. The grandiose ones were the most common. The flaws of these "Masters" leaked out commonly as less than kind superiority. Frequently, they sexually or financially exploited their followers. Even those who presented a convincing facade of loving gentleness were typical harsh to their closest devotees when no one else war around.”

SpiritualityBuddhismGuru
Book:HOMESTEADING in the CALM EYE of the STORM: A Therapist Navigates His Complex PTSD
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“Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries. They often begin life like the precocious children described in Alice Miler’s 'The Drama Of The Gifted Child', who learn that a modicum of safety and attachment can be gained by becoming the helpful and compliant servants of their parents. They are usually the children of at least one narcissistic parent who uses contempt to press them into service- scaring and shaming them out of developing a healthy sense of self: an egoic locus of self-protection, self-care and self-compassion.”

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Author:Pete Walker
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“I am continuously struck by how frequently the various thought processes of the inner critic trigger overwhelming emotional flashbacks. This is because the PTSD-derived inner critic weds shame and self-hate about imperfection to fear of abandonment, and mercilessly drive the psyche with the entwined serpents of perfectionism and endangerment. Recovering individuals must learn to recognize, confront and disidentify from the many inner critic processes that tumble them back in emotional time to the awful feelings of overwhelming fear, self-hate, hopelessness and self-disgust that were part and parcel of their original childhood abandonment.”

ShameImperfectionAbandonmentPerfectionismAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsHealing InsightsSelf CriticismSelf HateComplex PtsdFlashbacksSelf Disgust
Author:Pete Walker
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“I make the rounds, briefly interacting with conscious patients, and silently dispensing blessings to those who are checked out or comatose. I then settle at Betty's bedside. She releases a shuddering breath and becomes still. I look closely for evidence of breathing. I occasionally think I see her open eyes shimmer. But then my certainty grows that she has passed. I alternate between humming and meditating for the next hour and finally lay my palm on her forehead and feel a chill settling into her dead body. My subsequent reaction astounds me. Instead of grief, I feel a great sense of relief. All quality of life ceased long ago for her. She has transitioned.”

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Book:HOMESTEADING in the CALM EYE of the STORM: A Therapist Navigates His Complex PTSD
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