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Sakurase Ayaka (桜瀬彩香) Biography

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“Dia.” “…Noin?” “Is there something that you need to say to me?” “…” It was a total surprise. Dia took a small breath and looked back at his purple eyes. It was exactly because of her beloved person that she felt a feverish and painful mass in her chest, and also trembled in fear and sadness. “…Just tell me when you’re ready. I’ll be patient if you can’t say it now, but not for long. Besides, I have no desire of releasing you. There are many things I can do for you, but you’re aware there are many things you’re unable to do by yourself, right?” “Noin, for I am a very cunning human, I can’t say anything about it because I’m afraid of being abandoned by you if I revealed it… even so, you realized that I was worried about something…” After listening to Dia, Noin sighed slightly before lifting Dia onto his lap. The feeling of his chest against her back made her fear that her heart would spill out. His warmth gradually seeped into her. “You don’t have to go anywhere. I told you, that’s the price.”

“Her blue eyes wavered as she blinked. He would never forget her shattered emotion at that moment. From her once shining heart, her once gleaming blue eyes—something had died. The blue eyes were now filled with unbearable disappointment and despair. It was at that night he bore witness to the fallen hope of his beloved someone—said hope died in his arms.”

“The garden, which was exposed to the pure light of the Evemeria morning, had already begun to change in hue, due to the light intensity, before she could enjoy it through the window. For some reason, she couldn’t bear missing such scenery more than being thrown out of the social circle. Enduring the sadness and regret she couldn’t quite understand deep within her heart, Dia was terrified there was almost no space left to store said bitterness.”

“He wanted to give her all the happiness in the world. —therefore someday, surely, that brilliant smile of hers would return. Then, onward, she would continue to smile. That was all he ever wanted—such was the form of Noin’s devotion, after finally finding his one and only.”

“You don’t seem like someone who wants to die in the slightest, but, even if you did—do you think I am a merciful enough existence to make your wish come true just like that?” (Noin) “No, it is as you say—I don’t want to die. …I haven’t forgiven the people of this kingdom, yet.” (Dia) “You have been deprived of your family, and also have been poisoned—what is there left to your value?” (Noin) “No matter how little, no matter how valueless it is from the perspective of others—this is my heart I’m talking about. It’s my one and only possession—my sole treasure. Can’t I at least offer it to someone as a payment for something?” (Dia) “If that’s the case, then even that hatred of yours is beautiful to you. If all you wanted to do is die without a fight while bearing such hatred, just throw away your heart. Keeping it will only rot you from the inside out.” (Noin)”

“Good grievances, did you truly think I would be disappointed in you merely because of that? Everyone has different tastes in terms of food. You can enjoy what you like and such without needing to feel guilty about it.”

“For whatever reason, the truth was apparent— —he would no longer extend his hand towards Dia, the same way he did on that night during the ball when they first met. The tears inside her heart felt as if they filled her chest to the brim. All Dia could do now was to carefully and cunningly pull the thin strings so her beloved King of the Night wouldn’t go anywhere. If they hadn’t met during that day where the night was the longest, she wouldn’t have fallen for him all over again like that. She would have stayed as a vengeful ‘ghost’ that wanted revenge on those who killed her loved ones, without being stirred by wishes and hopes like that…”

“Perhaps after that tragedy, she had no heart left. Or perhaps it was still there, but small. However, she had decided to love that person in whatever way she could inside that small heart.”

“She knew how foolish her revenge sounded, but she wasn’t as virtuous as to abandon the hatred she had devoted her heart to. Dia couldn’t rinse her hatred, nor walk blindfolded—a path the vast majority would probably opt to choose. It wasn’t that easy for her.”

“The truth was, she wanted to laugh, throw away her notion of revenge, and surrender to only the most convenient option—which was to keep herself alive and spoil herself. It was a pretty normal, guilty, but nice wish. But Dia was no longer normal. Another one, then another one—the ones she loved fell one after another. The day of the storm, Dia had broken beyond saving. Therefore, even if she wanted to escape from there due to being unable to stand it, she would always end up returning and knocking on the door of revenge. It was like a nightmarish maze. Each time, she would be struck by the brutality and ugliness of herself as she tried to ruin herself—it was like seeing a monster in the mirror.”

“If… if back then in the past, Dia didn’t summon him during that stormy night, and attended the following year’s ball…— —what kind of future would they have? When she wondered about such things, it was as if her chest would burst. In the last 13 years she had lived along with despair, Dia acknowledged that she had indeed ruined her future with her own hands. However, the sharp pain that ran through her chest—she didn’t feel it for the first time. …It’s been a long time since that ball. It felt awkward to walk around while clutching her painful chest everywhere she went. She wondered if her footsteps of today were still steeped in the blood of that night. That stormy night…”

“Dia directed her grudge towards that book, which only provided a modest explanation. For some reason, it was always like that. Things always didn’t work out— —and here she thought she would finally be able to impress Noin…”

“She didn’t want to wallow in misery anymore, she also didn’t want to be scared. She felt irritated by the unreasonable treatment. She wasn’t as calm as a person as they expected. She wanted those who had done terrible things to her to also suffer a terrible punishment.”

“Even if you ask such, there are no ‘if’s in life. Now that you’ve reached this point, it’s unlikely you will ever get those things, anyway.” Said Noin. His words were both cruel and kind—Dia smiled as she nodded.”

“I’m not particularly intelligent, nor do I have any kind of secret magic or skill. As much as I want to, I can’t compete against those who are far more knowledgeable. I’m not the most beautiful, I’m not good at martial arts, nor am I good at riding. As such, how do I escape from here? Noin, I’m also not a merciful person—my heart is no longer innocent. I’m but a selfish, lazy, and also a cute person who just wants to live a comfortable life free of problems. Therefore, I won’t be a fun plaything for you.”

“Dia had lived her entire life without touching what shouldn’t be touched. The thought that in some cases, it might shed a lot of blood stirred Dia’s heart. However, this cold man, who always deemed everything human-related as ‘troublesome’, for the sake of enabling her to live to her utmost and survive, touched a lot of inconvenient things without ever mentioning any of them.”

“In her heart, she still waited for Noin to extend his hand to her before everything ultimately came to an end. She pushed such a miserable wish to the back of her mind, putting a lid on it. Revenge and wishes were different. ‘Who would save you’; ‘who would kill you’— —it all came down to that.”

“There’s no way you can forgive them, right?” (Noin) “Indeed. I’m unlikely to be compassionate because I’m very obsessive and evil, as many people are. Even if it does feel miserable… thinking about it… there are things I can’t give up.” (Dia)”