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Tatsuhiko Takimoto

Tatsuhiko Takimoto Books

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“Listen, Misaki. In this world, there is an evil organization. Its name is N.H.K. N.H.K. is a huge organization that spans the entire globe. They're an evil, secret society, and they're the ones who put us through this pain. It's all the N.H.K.'s fault. After this, if anything bad happens around you, it's all the N.H.K.'s doing. Everything is the N.H.K.'s fault! For starters, the name N.H.K. itself is simply a coincidence. The actual name doesn't matter at all. If you don't like "N.H.K.", you can call it whatever you want. If you wish, you can even call it Satan. Or call it the evil God. It all means the same thing. It's true. The names don't matter at all. They're just a set of sounds. An imaginary enemy torturing you: That is the real essence of N.H.K. For example, take that girl from my high school literature club. To her, it could signify the 'Nihon Hiyowa Kyokai', as her own weakness continually defeated her. She was weak in both mind and spirit. [...] In the case of Misaki, N.H.K. means 'Nihon Hikan Kyokai'. Because of the misfortunes you were born with, Misaki, you saw everything in a pessimistic way. Please, forgive me for being alive. Don't hate me. You were always were self-defeating like that. Then, my own N.H.K... Well, it's actually the N.H.K.'s fault that I became a hikikomori, just as it's their fault that you suffer, Misaki. That's the truth. I learned this through a certain technique. I fought with them. I've been fighting them for a long time, but it's no use anymore. I've finally fallen victim to them, and they'll kill me before long. But Misaki, you're fine. You must live on, in health.”

“I just didn't understand. What should I do? What did I want to do? What was I thinking...? It didn't really matter if she died. That's what I thought. It's all the same in the end. The only difference is whether death comes sooner or later. Even if I do keep living, there will be only more suffering and more hardship. There's no meaning to it. There's no meaning to life. It would be better to die. This was a thoroughly logical conclusion that no one could refute. At least, I couldn't refute it. In fact, I doubt that anyone was less suited to the role of convincing someone else to give up on suicide than I was.”

“I shut myself in because I'm lonely. Because I don't want to face any more loneliness, I shut myself away. [...] I'm greedier than anyone. I don't want some half-assed happiness. I don't need some partial warmth. I want a happiness that goes on forever. That's impossible, though! I don't know why it is, but in this world, some interference is sure to come. Important things break right away. I've been alive for twenty-two years, and I know at least this much. It doesn't matter what the thing is, but it will break. That's why, from the beginning, it's better not to need anything.”

“I'm greedier than anyone. I don't want some half-assed happiness I don't need some partial warmth. I want a happiness that goes on forever. That's impossible, though! I don't know why it is, but in this world, some interference is sure to come. Important things break right away. I've been alive for twenty-two years, and I know at least this much. It doesn't matter what the thing is, but it will break. That's why, from the beginning, it's better not to need anything.”

“Frightened of my futureless life, scared by my foolish anxieties, unable to see ahead and aiming nowhere, I continued ceaselessly living my ridiculously idiotic life. I was beset on all sides by invisible worries. So, I shut myself in and slept. I slept until sleep exhausted me. Spring passed, summer ended, fall came, and then winter arrived. Then, it turned into another gentle spring.”

“It's natural for a person to deny he's a failure as a human being. That's why he searches for somebody who is more miserable than himself. That's why so much animosity exists on the Internet. Those who aren't able to find a more miserable person turn to the Internet and call other people losers, even though they've never met just to make themselves superior. Isn't that pathetic? There's a sense of security that comes from speaking badly of someone else. But that isn't true salvation.”