Home / Quotes / Quote by Chelsea Handler

Quote by Chelsea Handler

“I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking.”

Quote by Chelsea Handler

Book:My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

Work

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

This book offers a candid look into the author's personal life, exploring the complexities and emotions associated with brief romantic encounters. more

Author

Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler, born on February 25, 1975, is a renowned American comedian, writer, and television host. Known for her unique sense of humor and candid remarks, she has hosted several popular television shows and achieved significant success in the comedy industry. more

You May Also Like

“Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.”

Ifs Persons Important Focus Terrible Tough Endure Heartache Masturbation

Book:My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

Source: My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.”

Knows Whole Shows Life Is Reading Whole Life Magazines Tabloids Really Sad

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.”

Way Rich Unique Gold Paint Campaigns Paris Ads Champagne Cover Ups Herpes

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.”

One Thing Baby Thanks Paris Serving Host Pregnant Showers Forbidden Mercury Sushi Pregnant Women Nicole

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter’s house—obviously, they’ll have a turkey with all-white meat.”

House White Wonder Dog Meat Holiday Hunters Turkeys Bounty Bounty Hunter

Author:Chelsea Handler

“A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.”

People Shows Degrees Catholic Notes Obsessed Priests Fourth Threatening Stalking Conan Conan O Brien

Author:Chelsea Handler

“I love people who are very honest and very open and don't pretend to be anything they're not.”

Author:Cat Deeley

“Angelina Jolie’s older brother James Haven, the one she made out with, has a license plate on his SUV that reads Shiloh. Maybe it’s not that weird. After all, he could be the father.”

Made Father Havens Brother Plates License Older Brother Suvs License Plate Shiloh

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out—why not just wait until you’re crowning?”

Waiting Thirds Thanks Why Not Pregnancy Christina

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.”

Today Laughing Comedy Luck Critics Cooks Belly Good Luck Chuck Jessica Belly Laughs

Author:Chelsea Handler