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Quote by Rachel Naomi Remen

“When we haven't the time to listen to each other's stories we seek out experts to tell us how to live. The less time we spend together at the kitchen table, the more how-to books appear in the stores and on our bookshelves. But reading such books is a very different thing than listening to someone' s lived experience. Because we have stopped listening to each other we may even have forgotten how to listen, stopped learning how to recognize meaning and fill ourselves from the ordinary events of our lives. We have become solitary; readers and watchers rather than sharers and participants.”

Quote by Rachel Naomi Remen

Work

Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal, 10th Anniversary Edition

This 10th anniversary edition features a compilation of stories that delve into the profound impact of sharing life experiences, fostering empathy, and strengthening human connections. more

Author

Rachel Naomi Remen
Rachel Naomi Remen

Rachel Naomi Remen (born February 8, 1938) is an American physician, author, and spiritual teacher. Surviving cancer as a child, she developed a unique perspective on healing and life meaning. After graduating from the University of Pennsylvania Medical School, she worked in conventional medicine before turning to holistic healing approaches. Her bestselling book "Kitchen Table Wisdom" (1994) shares touching stories from her medical practice and has inspired millions worldwide. Remen emphasizes the integration of body, mind, and spirit in healing, advocating for compassionate, patient-centered care that values listening and presence. more

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“One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted her to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Subtly her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer talk about the relief of having someone just listen.”

“I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues, until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.”

“There are few master teachers in life. ... But there are many who can listen to life so well that they can hear the vastness in everything and in you. A teacher is someone who has learned to listen to life. Someone who has found a way to listen well. Any real teacher is only a finger pointing. In the end, we may find out more by not following our teachers but by following what our teachers follow for themselves. From a good teacher you may learn the secret of listening. You will never learn the secrets of life. You will have to listen for yourself.”

“Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with. Instead of projecting your own autobiography and assuming thoughts, feelings, motives and interpretation, you're dealing with the reality inside another person's head and heart. You're listening to understand. You're focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul.”

“To reconcile conflicting parties, we must have the ability to understand the suffering of both sides. If we take sides, it is impossible to do the work of reconciliation. And humans want to take sides. That is why the situation gets worse and worse. Are there people who are still available to both sides? They need not do much. They need do only one thing: Go to one side and tell all about the suffering endured by the other side, and go to the other side and tell all about the suffering endured by this side. This is our chance for peace. But how many of us are able to do that?”