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Quote by Demetri Martin

“It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.”

Quote by Demetri Martin

Author

Demetri Martin is an American comedian, writer, and actor known for his unique and witty humor style. He is recognized for his sharp wit and satirical commentary, often performing in television shows, movies, and stage performances. Born on May 25, 1973, Martin's career began in New York comedy clubs. more

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“I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.”

Knows Want Needs Mean Sometimes Hard Would Be New York Fine Mouths Neighborhood Rays Delicious Want Something Glamour Pizza Glitz

Author:Demetri Martin

“Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.”

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“I think the best thing about being dumb is that it makes magic a lot better. Where the hell did that rat come from? I dunno, but I'm calling the cops because he just cut that lady in half.”

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“You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.”

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“The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.”

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“I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'”

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“You can't argue with stupidity.”

Ignorance Stupidity Arguing

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“When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.”

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Author:Demetri Martin

“Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.”

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“You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.”

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Author:Demetri Martin