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Quote by Jeff Foxworthy

“You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.”

Quote by Jeff Foxworthy

Author

Jeff Foxworthy, born on September 6, 1958, is a renowned American comedian. Known for his witty sarcasm and self-deprecating humor, he has won the hearts of audiences. Foxworthy's comedy, characterized by its sharp social commentary and self-mockery, has achieved significant success in television, radio, and stage performances. more

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“It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.”

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“If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.”

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“You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.”

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“You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!”

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“You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.”

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“Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"”

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“Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.”

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“Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.”

Want Stuff Careers Thank God

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“I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.”

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“Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.”

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