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For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence

This book delves into the potential consequences of certain child-rearing methods on the formation of violent behavior in adults, offering insights into the roots of aggression and its societal implications. more

Author

Alice Miller
Alice Miller

Alice Miller, born on January 12, 1923, and died on April 12, 2010, was a renowned psychologist. Her research focused on child psychology and the psychology of abuse, delving deeply into the psychological impact of child abuse and neglect. more

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“The knowledge that you were beaten and that this, as your parents tell you, was for your own good may well be retained (although not always), but the suffering caused by the way you were mistreated will remain unconscious and will later prevent you from empathizing with others. This is why battered children grow up to be mothers and fathers who beat their offspring”

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Book:For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence
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“The attempt to be an ideal parent, that is, to behave correctly toward the child, to raise her correctly, not to give to little ortoo much, is in essence an attempt to be the ideal child--well behaved and dutiful--of one's own parents. But as a result of these efforts the needs of the child go unnoticed. I cannot listen to my child with empathy if I am inwardly preoccupied with being a good mother; I cannot be open to what she is telling me.”

IfsNeedsGivingWellsChildrenLittlesMotherParentResultsEffortEmpathyIdealsEssenceRaisesMy ChildrenBehaveUnnoticedGood MotherBeing A Good Mother
Author:Alice Miller
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“For some years now, there has been proof that the devastating effects of the traumatization of children take their inevitable tollon society--a fact that we are still forbidden to recognize. This knowledge concerns every single one of us, and--if disseminated widely enough--should lead to fundamental changes in society; above all, to a halt in the blind escalation of violence.”

IfsShouldYearsChildrenHas BeensStillsEnoughFactsViolenceEffectsConcernFundamentalsBlindProofInevitableForbiddenHaltEscalationChanges In Society
Book:For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence
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“Till now, society has protected the adult and blamed the victim. It has been abetted in its blindness by theories, still in keeping with the pedagogical principles of our great- grandparents, according to which children are viewed as crafty creatures, dominated by wicked drives, who invent stories and attack their innocent parents or desire them sexually. In reality, children tend to blame themselves for their parents' cruelty and to absolve the parents, whom they invariably love, of all responsibility.”

ChildrenHas BeensStillsStoriesRealityDesireParentResponsibilityPrinciplesTheoryCreaturesAdultsVictimBlameInnocentCrueltyWickedProtectedGrandparentBlindnessSexuallyCraftyGreat Grandparents
Book:The Untouched Key: Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity and Destructiveness
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“Almost everywhere we find . . . the use of various coercive measures, to rid ourselves as quickly as possible of the child withinus--i.e., the weak, helpless, dependent creature--in order to become an independent competent adult deserving of respect. When we reencounter this creature in our children, we persecute it with the same measures once used in ourselves.”

ChildrenUseUsedOrderCreaturesAdultsWeakOur ChildrenIndependentVariousDependentHelplessCompetentDeserving
Book:For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence
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“We are still barely conscious of how harmful it is to treat children in a degrading manner. Treating them with respect and recognizing the consequences of their being humiliated are by no means intellectual matters; otherwise, their importance would long since have been generally recognized.”

MeanChildrenLongHas BeensStillsMatterIntellectualConsciousConsequenceTreatsImportanceRecognizingHumiliatedDegrading
Book:For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence
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“It is unlikely that someone could proclaim "truths" that are counter to physical laws for very long (for example, that it is healthy for children to run around in bathing suits in winter and in fur coats in summer) without appearing ridiculous. But it is perfectly normal to speak of the necessity of striking and humiliating children and robbing them of their autonomy, at the same time using such high-sounding words as chastising, upbringing, and guiding onto the right path.”

ChildrenLongRunningLawSpeakPathExampleHealthyNormalSummerWinterRidiculousSuitsCoatsAutonomyUnlikelyUpbringingFurAppearingRight PathHumiliatingBathingRobbingBathing SuitsPerfectly NormalFur Coats
Book:For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence
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“The free world has need that its foreign policies should fairly measure the realities of the world in which we live. There are certain principles to which we hold: the sanctity of treaties, good faith between nations, the interdependence of peoples from which no country, however powerful, can altogether escape.”

WorldNeedsShouldCountryRealityCertainNationsPowerfulPrinciplesPolicyForeign PolicyTreatiesSanctityInterdependenceFree WorldGood Faith
Author:Anthony Eden
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