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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

Author

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there's a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.”

Today Games Winning Pieces Week Internet Cat Vote Surprise Chosen Voting Online Monopoly

Author:Craig Ferguson

“It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.”

Ifs Humans Home Might Today Earth Reading Animal Behinds Bears Let Me Careful Planes Be Careful Behind You Stalking Earth Day Going Home Polar Bears

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“I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.”

Said America Guy White Class Rich Republican Six Debate Candidates White Guys

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.”

Should Said Found Agents Borders Canada Bus Marijuana Disgrace Justin Border Patrol

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“Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.”

Doe Evil Infallibility Bumblebees

Book:Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel

Source: Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel

“Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.”

Lying Sacred Confession Exaggeration Rite Allegory

Book:Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel

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“My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.”

Knows Names Stuff Son Asking My Son Dinosaurs Thesaurus

Author:Craig Ferguson

“If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you're bullet-proof.”

Ifs Believe Proof Bullets

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing me.”

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“If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.”

Ifs Knows Sorry I'm Sorry

Author:Craig Ferguson