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Quote by Conan O'Brien

“Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related story, there's a huge sale at K-Mart.”

Quote by Conan O'Brien

Author

Conan O'Brien, born on April 18, 1963, is a renowned talk show host from the United States. Known for his unique sense of humor and engaging interaction with audiences, he has hosted several popular talk show programs. more

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“This is serious, if Martha gets the maximum sentence on all counts, she could serve 20 years in prison. Of course, you have to take off time off for good behavior, which means 20 years in prison.”

Ifs Years Mean Courses Serious Behavior Prison Sentences Maximum Time Off Good Behavior

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Federal authorities have informed Martha Stewart's lawyers she will be indicted for her role in the ImClone insider trading scandal. Good news for Martha - stripes are back in this year.”

Years Roles Authority News Lawyer Good News Trading Scandal Stripes Insiders Insider Trading

Author:Craig Kilborn

“Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.”

Knows Nations Company Leader Terror Rings Massive Fraud Captured Crossings Enron Periwinkle

Author:Jon Stewart

“Earlier today Martha Stewart issued a statement saying 'I am innocent and will fight to clear my name.' Yeah, Martha then said 'I look forward to the day when people stop thinking I am guilty and get back to thinking I am cold and arrogant.'”

People Thinking Looks Said Today Fighting Names Clear Cold Yeah Statements Innocent Guilty Get Back Arrogant

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.”

Given Audience Share Information Sells Financial Burning Firm Denied Documents Festive Allegations Biotech Yule

Author:Dennis Miller

“When reached for comment on the charges, Martha didn't say much, (only) that a subpoena should be served with a nice appetizer.”

Should Nice Comment Appetizers Subpoenas

Author:Conan O'Brien

“In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper!”

People Made Three Four New York Paper Crepes

Author:Conan O'Brien

“I have an unbelievable assistant who handles all of my scheduling! It's like a Tetris game.”

Games Handle Unbelievable Assistants Scheduling Tetris

Author:Neil Patrick Harris

“The corporate scandals are getting bigger and bigger. In a speech on Wall Street, President Bush spoke out on corporate responsibility, and he warned executives not to cook the books. Afterwards, Martha Stewart said the correct term was to saute the books.”

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Author:Conan O'Brien

“NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.'”

Thinking Calling Scandal Nbc

Author:Conan O'Brien