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Quote by Chelsea Handler

“Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.”

Quote by Chelsea Handler

Author

Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler, born on February 25, 1975, is a renowned American comedian, writer, and television host. Known for her unique sense of humor and candid remarks, she has hosted several popular television shows and achieved significant success in the comedy industry. more

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“Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow down and think about whether this is really the man she wants to spend three or four months of her life with.”

Thinking Men Want Needs Three Four He Man Months Married Down And Slow Down License

Author:Chelsea Handler

“This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's a rogue onion ring at the bottom. You know, at first you're alarmed but you eat it. It all comes from the same place! You just have to go for it.”

Knows Firsts Kind Happens Order Bottom Rings Ingredients Mixing Fast Food Onions Rogues Fries French Fries Onion Rings

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he though we were headed to Iraq.”

Enough Security Iraq Pockets Carrie Pants Constructs Airports Artillery Shotguns Costa Rica Airport Security

Book:Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Source: Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

“I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.”

Home Ass Stay At Home

Author:Chelsea Handler

“You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.”

People Together Sex Cases Assuming Having Sex

Author:Chelsea Handler

“The audience might not be the size of Facebook, but how much time can you spend online and think, 'What did I just learn?”

Thinking Might Audience Size Online

Author:Chris Hughes

“Americans and Englishmen, when they become acquainted with the Balkans, feel an astonished contempt when they study the mutual enmities of Bulgarians and Serbs, of Hungarians and Rumanians. It is evident to them that these enmities are absurd and that the belief of each little nation in its own superiority has no objective basis. But most of them are quite unable to see that the national pride of a Great Power is essentially as unjustifiable as that of a little Balkan country.”

Feels Littles Country Belief Nations Study Pride Bases Objectives Absurd Mutual Contempt Superiority Evident Englishmen Great Power Enmity Balkans Hungarians National Pride Bulgarians

Book:Unpopular Essays

Source: Unpopular Essays

“You know, our fundamentalist friends dislike the teaching of evolution in schools because of the effect they feel it has on our view of our own special importance, while liberals insist that scientific and spiritual matters can be kept in separate compartments. On this point, I tend to agree with the fundamentalists, though I come to opposite conclusions about teaching evolution because I am convinced it's true.”

Knows Feels Matter School Spiritual Views Teaching Special Effects Evolution Opposites Importance Agree Convinced Conclusion Dislike Fundamentalist

Book:Facing Up

Source: Facing Up

“An inexplicable fact is infinitely preferable to an incomprehensible mystery.”

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Author:Frederick Soddy

“The practice of our democracy depends on a sense of, and knowledge of, history in the same way that playing in the World Series requires a bat and a ball.”

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Author:Lewis H. Lapham