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Quote by Melissa Febos

Work

Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York

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Author

Melissa Febos
Melissa Febos

Melissa Febos is a contemporary writer known for her unique narrative style and profound insights into personal experiences. Her works often explore themes such as gender, identity, and memory. more

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“When you fell sick as a kid, your mom wouldn’t sleep the entire night. You would even catch her secretly crying. As an adult, living away from home, you find yourself standing alone in your kitchen at 1 a.m., trying to find a medicine that would make your fever disappear. Your roommate is asleep and you don’t want to wake them up. You want to call your mom but realize that while it will give you peace, it’ll give her anxiety. You realize you can hang out with people all day long only to stand in the middle of your kitchen at night all alone, trying to find medicines. You haven’t had dinner, but nobody cares. You haven’t slept properly in days, but nobody has noticed. You’ve been perpetually anxious, but nobody has been able to dissect the sadness in your eyes. You go to the doctor’s clinic alone for the first time and a tear drops from your eyes. This is your rendezvous with loneliness. You’re away from home, constantly trying to feel at home. You realize there are people who love you, but nobody in the world loves you to the point where your illness makes their heart heavy. Nobody feels sick in the gut and has tears in their eyes when you’re unwell. You wonder if it’s even possible to find someone like that—someone who is terrified of seeing you in pain. You check your phone and realize you have ten missed calls from Mom, your home. You call back, and she picks up and says, ‘Is everything okay? I had a bad dream last night.’ You respond by saying, ‘Yes, Mom, I’m all right’. It’s funny how adulting makes you yearn for things you kept taking for granted all your life.”

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Book:Thank You for Leaving
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