“I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.” Quote by Anthony Jeselnik
“I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.” KnowsTryingEndsWholeTeachKnow HowGirlfriendMy GirlfriendYellingSurf Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.” PeopleThinkingShowsBitsMaterialsPureJokesTheaterCrowdsExcitedVersionsHanging OutPoliteHecklers Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.” PeopleWantDeathFascinatedForbiddenForbidden Things Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.” IfsLyingAsksChurchNumbersDadSorryMy DadSundaySaying SorryWrong Number Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“I don't ever want to have kids of my own. But I do want a lot of kids.” WantKidsMy Own Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.” PeopleThinkingTryingAudienceConsiderationEdgy Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.” MemoriesAudienceMembersComedianOffended Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were upset.” WayPersonsStoriesComedyWorstMaterialsThirdsUpsetBlogsThird Person Author:Anthony Jeselnik