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Quote by Jimmy Fallon

“Senate Democrats blocked President Obama's trade bill yesterday because they're worried it could hurt jobs. It's not an issue for Republicans, since they've all found work as presidential candidates.”

Quote by Jimmy Fallon

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Jimmy Fallon, born in September 1974, is an American television host. He is widely recognized for hosting 'The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon', a show known for its interactive and entertaining nature. Fallon is known for his humorous hosting style and engaging interactions with guests. more

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“According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks.”

Knows Stories Seems Perfect Jokes Thanks Diets Reports Governors Stadiums Concessions Christie

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“In celebration of Mother's Day yesterday, President Obama called three moms who had written him letters. Then kids who made their mom a macaroni necklace said, 'Thanks, Obama.'”

Made Said Kids Mother Three President Written Mom Letters Yesterday Thanks President Obama Celebration Mothers Day Necklaces Macaroni

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“If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?'' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful.”

Ifs Want Feels Believe Said I Can Guy Jokes Awful Stadiums Concessions Christie

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“People are being really picky about the upcoming election. I read that Americans do not want the next president to be a first-term senator, be over 65, or have a former president in the family. Then the Secret Service said, 'Hey, whoever slips through slips through. No promises.'”

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“A house panel in Texas has approved full marijuana legalization for the state. Yeah, meaning Texas could go from having dude ranches to 'Dude, ranches.'”

States House Yeah Texas Marijuana Approved Marijuana Legalization

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“According to a new poll, 48 percent of Americans believe that Hillary Clinton is honest and trustworthy. Then Hillary said, 'Actually I just made that poll up.'”

Believe Made Said Honest Percent Clinton Polls Trustworthy

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“Hillary Clinton made a campaign stop in Las Vegas yesterday. She said she wants citizenship for undocumented immigrants. But after seeing Americans celebrate Cinco de Mayo yesterday, immigrants said, 'You know what, we're good. We're gonna head back now. We had enough.'”

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“Bernie Sanders' presidential campaign announced that it raised over $1.5 million in the 24 hours after he announced his bid. Meanwhile, a 12-year-old on Kickstarter just raised $7 million in five minutes after announcing his idea for juice box water guns.”

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“Today Carly Fiorina announced that she is running for president. Someone else bought 'CarlyFiorina.org' and posted 30,000 sad emoticons to represent all the people she laid off at Hewlett-Packard. I haven't seen that many sad, blank faces in one place since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.”

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“I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks, Bo Obama.'”

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