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Quote by Brian Regan

“I took a speed reading course and my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute, but my comprehension plummeted.”

Quote by Brian Regan

Author

Brian Regan, born on June 2, 1957, is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and insightful performances. He is renowned for his comedic routines that delve into everyday life, social phenomena, and personal experiences, which have won him a wide fan base. more

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“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. Hey, enjoy your meal. You, too. But you don't have one, do ya? I'm a dufus. If you do eat enjoy it when you eat it if you have a break or something, later. If you get an opportunity. That's all I'm trying to say.”

Ifs Trying Opportunity Enjoy Break Hey Meals Waitress

Author:Brian Regan

“Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I don't give myself enough credit. I know enough English to, you know, get by. I can order in restaurants and stuff.”

Knows Giving I Can Enough Order Stuff Knowing Imagine Credit Restaurants

Author:Brian Regan

“You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You, too. You, too.' I was getting out of the cab at the airport, and the driver goes, 'Hey, have a nice flight.' 'You, too. You, too. You have a nice flight, too - in case you ever fly some day.”

Feels Cases Nice Like You Flight Hey Idiot Phrases Drivers Airports Cab Wrong Time

Author:Brian Regan

“They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.”

Thinking Knows Men Jobs Names Car Genius Vain Insult Good Job Parking Parking Lot Insults You

Author:Brian Regan

“I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't do anything on the whole hour - nothing - just fast forwarding: can't do that, can't do that - I know I can't do that. This woman in a soothing voice: 'Simply take the bottom of your right foot and place it on the small of your back.”

Knows I Can Whole Easy Voice Hours Feet Yoga Bottom Video Tape Soothing Beginners

Author:Brian Regan

“I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to learn how to like those a little bit.”

Trying Littles Different Done Bits Little Bit

Author:Brian Regan

“Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say?”

Guy Games Force Sports Answers Sick Grandmother Interviewers

Author:Brian Regan

“I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then I get on, and move two plates, you know like: CLANK! CLANK! "I'm the two plate guy!" CLANK! CLANK! "Anyone wanna spot me?" CLANK! CLANK!”

Knows Two Use Moving Guy Hate Huge Spots Gym Plates Equipment Racks

Author:Brian Regan

“I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.”

People Feels Faces Hate Turns I Hate Explanation Elevators

Author:Brian Regan

“I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of people that I don't know, one guy talking plenty for everybody. "Me myself right and then I and then myself and mee, me, I couldn't tell this one about I cause I was talking about myself and Me- Meee- Mee- Me- Me!" Beware the Me monster.”

People Knows Guy Causes Realizing Party Talking Stage Quiet Dinner Monsters Bunch Plenty Dinner Party

Author:Brian Regan