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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to early spring psychosis.”

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Craig Ferguson

English biography, 120-180 words more

“A new study says by 2030 household robots will dominate every phase of our lives. The study says the No. 1 field for robot growth is medicine. That makes sense. Robots already perform well in surgery. That is, until there is a power outage. Then it's just a coat rack leaning over you as you bleed to death.”

Wells Growth Study Our Lives Fields Medicine Make Sense Over You Household Phases Surgery Coats Robots Racks

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Every year there's a jury at the Cannes Film Festival. Getting on the jury is very competitive in France. Not because the French love cinema, but because they love to judge.”

Years Film Judging Judgment France Cinema Festivals Jury Film Festivals Cannes French Love Cannes Film Festival

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that won't be answered until the next time the show is on. You know, like Who shot J.R.? I like to think I do this every night - the question is, Is this show still on?”

People Thinking Knows Way Stills Shows Night Next Watches Audience Shots Best Way Experts Every Night Next Time Rating

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.”

Soul Jobs Sides Summer Training My Soul Teenager Hated Mundane Bright Side

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Here in Los Angeles, school's out for summer. For thousands of school kids, this is the first week of summer vacation. And for thousands of parents, it's the first week of hell.”

Firsts Kids School Parent Hell Week Summer Los Angeles Vacation Summer Vacation

Author:Craig Ferguson

“During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas.”

People Want War Cold West Tiny Crush Liberalism Texas Cold War Berlin Austin Austin Texas West Berlin

Author:Craig Ferguson

“A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?”

California Restaurants Southern Heels High Heels Sexist Outraged Southern California

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I will say again that I have never, and would never, harm a child. It sickens me that people have written untrue things about me.”

People Children Written Harm Untrue Unfaithful

Author:Michael Jackson

Quote by Craig Ferguson

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