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Quote by Jon Stewart

“We all know what happens to celebrities when their time is up - rehab and then a stint on VH1.”

Quote by Jon Stewart

Author

Jon Stewart, born on November 28, 1962, is an American satirist, comedian, writer, and television host. He is best known for his work on 'The Daily Show', where he used satire and humor to deeply analyze American politics and social issues. more

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“Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.”

People Ifs Should War Shows Body Games Decision Behinds Gold Leaving Disappear Video Innocent Wounded Coins Civilians Bin Laden Gold Coins

Author:Jon Stewart

“My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.”

Life Is My Own News Hollywood Series Casts Valuable Fake Vegetables Anchors My Own Life Kabbalah Brunch News Anchors

Author:Jon Stewart

“We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is - on the brink of catastrophe - torn by polarizing hate, and how it's a shame that we can't work together to get things done, but the truth is we do. We work together to get things done every damn day!”

Country Done Together Hate Truth Is Shame Our Country Damn Working Together Fragile Catastrophe Torn Things Done Polarizing

Author:Jon Stewart

“Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.”

Giving Children War House Television Give Me Iraq Billions Iraq War Pbs

Author:Jon Stewart

“I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.”

Men Giving Wells I Can Able Sound Voice Impression

Author:Jon Stewart

“Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.”

Knows Doe Christian Guy Names Enjoy Complexes Persecution That Guy Just Saying Constantine Christian Persecution

Author:Jon Stewart

“Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.”

Bombs Historic Good Sense

Author:Jon Stewart

“Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.”

Knows Want Guy Tomorrow Vote Smoke Smoking Alright

Author:Jon Stewart

“For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.”

Thinking Knows Seems Interesting News Humorous Exciting Objectives Hopefully Fake Subjective Catching Nuggets Catching On

Author:Jon Stewart

“When the doors of opportunity swing open, we must make sure that we are not too drunk or too indifferent to walk through.”

Political Opportunity Walks Doors Racism Drunk Swings Indifferent

Author:Jesse Jackson