“What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.” Quote by Milton Berle
“I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.” LostJokes Author:Milton Berle
“A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!” MenFallAsksAnswersStepsMissingFlightFalling DownStairs Author:Milton Berle
“Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.” RememberFacesGuyYour FaceRemember When Author:Milton Berle
“I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.” YearsThreeSaltNew YearGrainAspirinGrain Of Salt Author:Milton Berle
“I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.” ThinkingMiddlemen Author:Milton Berle
“I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.” MindJokesInsultBobInsulting Author:Milton Berle
“An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.” StillsEndsWorryHeroKissingAdultsHorseWestern Author:Milton Berle
“Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.” HelpingDiesHouseDoctorsPatient Author:Milton Berle
“A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.” MenAnswersNiceStreetsCarHe ManComfortableAskingHillsLapCradleCrossingsBeverly Hills Author:Milton Berle
“I can always guarantee that the Irish Citizen Army will fight but I cannot guarantee that it will be on time” I CanFightingCitizensArmyGuaranteesGuarantees That Author:James Connolly