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BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends): A Girl's Guide to Happy Friendships

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Jessica Speer

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“If you’ve struggled in a friendship, you’re not alone. Most girls find that, sometimes, friendship feels like a roller coaster. One moment you’re climbing through fun and laughter; the next, you’re plunging into fear or frustration.”

“BFF, bestie, buddy—there are many ways to describe friends. But what really makes a “good” or “close” friend? And why do some friendships feel like a cozy robe, while others feel like a scary movie?”

“The top of the Friendship Pyramid, Close Friends, is small and may only include one or two friends. That’s because close friends are harder to find, and these friendships usually take longer to develop. Don’t worry if you haven’t found any close friends yet; many girls may not have any until middle school or even later.”

“If my mother's intention in whole or in part was to ensure that I never had to suffer any indignity or embarrassment for being a Jew, then she succeeded well enough. And in any case there were enough intermarriages and 'conversions' on both sides of her line to make me one of those many mischling hybrids who are to be found distributed all over the known world. And, as someone who doesn't really believe that the human species is subdivided by 'race,' let alone that a nation or nationality can be defined by its religion, why should I not let the whole question slide away from me? Why—and then I'll stop asking rhetorical questions—did I at some point resolve that, in whatever tone of voice I was asked 'Are you a Jew?' I would never hear myself deny it?”

“Almost everyone will proclaim they are against bullying. No one likes a bully, right? At the same time, most of those same people will state the slogan of the day, "I respect the police.", or, "I respect the police, but...". To that I ask, "What is it you respect about them?" Do you respect that they'd shoot your dog or child in a heartbeat? Do you respect them leaving thousands of dogs in hot cars to die? Do you respect them shooting hundreds of thousands of dogs? (10,000 a year for 20 years would be hundreds of thousands!). Do you respect that there are cops in prison for murder, rape, and child molestation who are still collecting their pensions? I could probably make this list 100 pages long if I wanted to, but I hope you get the point. The point is that when we say we respect bullies and bullying, we are part of the problem, not the solution.”