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The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours

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Christopher Dines

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“Mental stories can literally spoil a human life. It took me a long time to become aware of my mental commentary, such as: “Everything always goes wrong”, “I won’t be accepted”, “I’m a failure” or “What’s the point?” Those fears were deep-rooted and triggered many upsetting addictive patterns of behaviour”

AddictionAddiction And RecoveryAddictive BehaviourMental SlaveryAddictiveness
Book:The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours
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“When we practise self-compassion, we look after ourselves just as though we are nurturing a small child. In fact, a major part of grieving our original pain work (so that we can heal and be emotionally liberated) is to re-parent ourselves and reconnect with our inner child. This is what the author, John Bradshaw, meant by ‘reclaiming our inner child’. In recovery, we can begin to nurture our inner child and connect deeply with our heart and spirit.”

HeartSpiritAddictionAddiction And RecoveryInner ChildAddictive BehaviourAddictivenessOriginal Pain WorkJohn Bradshaw
Book:The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours
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“Isms’ are described as transference of addictive patterns of dysfunctional behaviour, passed down from generation to generation. For instance, if a mother was an alcoholic who never made it into recovery, her behaviour would leave a mark on her children, husband, etc. Unless her adult children join some sort of recovery programme and adopt the mindfulness practice, they will have very similar behaviour traits to their mother but minus the alcohol abuse. There is a strong possibility that they will become codependent and form relationships with other codependents or alcoholics.”

AddictionAlcoholismAddiction And RecoveryCodependencyAddictive BehaviourAddictivenessFamily DysfunctionGenerational Pain
Book:The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours
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“I don’t think I’ve ever met an addict in long-term recovery who hasn’t gone through at least one traumatic childhood experience. Research indicates that one traumatic event in childhood is as grave as continuous combat in a war zone. A traumatic event during childhood can leave a grave imprint on the human body.”

AddictionAddiction And RecoveryAddictive BehaviourAddictiveness
Book:The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours
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“No one can control their results. We can, however, control our attitude. When we practise compassion, it is most effective when it is unconditional and free from seeking an outcome – compassion is a matter of choice rather than a self-seeking action. And so, if we assist another human being from a place of presence and compassion, we are not looking to find our happiness off the back of others’ suffering. Nor are we trying to control them. Compassion is a conscious choice rather than an emotional knee-jerk reaction.”

CompassionMindfulnessAddictionPresenceAddiction And RecoveryAddictive BehaviourAddictivenessNon Attachment
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“It was only when I started to reconnect with my inner child four years into recovery (I was over four years clean and sober off drugs and alcohol) and started to attend a love addiction support group that I was able to trust again and have faith that there are just as many honest and trustworthy women as there are women who are not interested in monogamy. However, it was after ten years of continuous recovery that I started to really dig deep into my childhood grief work and was finally able to reclaim my inner child. I started to take risks again. On a practical level, you can’t get very far in this world if you resent and distrust the opposite sex and, sadly, many men and women suffer in this area. Rather than celebrating the opposite sex, they fear them. Empathy and self-compassion has helped me in this area too.”

AddictionAddiction And RecoveryInner ChildAddictive BehaviourAddictivenessGrief Work
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“Let’s remind ourselves that to be compassionate and forgiving doesn’t mean we are endorsing dysfunctional behaviour. On the contrary, it’s essential the harm that was inflicted upon us is properly validated and grieved. Forgiveness isn’t an intellectual concept or an airy-fairy idea. It’s a painstaking process. To be compassionate and to forgive mean we are gradually letting go of poisonous, toxic feelings that are trapped in our minds and bodies.”

ForgivenessAddictionAddiction And RecoveryForgiveness And Letting GoAddictive BehaviourAddictiveness
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