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Rewriting My Happily Ever After: A Memoir of Divorce and Discovery

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Ranjani Rao

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“Another socially important variable associated with mental ability is that of marriage, or more specifically that of who marries whom. A consistent finding in several studies of the characteristics of spouses is that there is a tendency for spouses to be similar in some—but not all—aspects of mental ability; in other words, some aspects of mental ability do show substantial “assortative mating.” For example, in a study of married couples, Watson et al. (2004) examined spouses' scores on two mental ability tasks—a vocabulary test and a matrix reasoning test. Interestingly, even though vocabulary and matrix reasoning tend to be correlated with each other (both are strongly g-loaded tests), they revealed quite different results when correlations between spouses were considered. On the one hand, wives' and husbands' levels of vocabulary showed a fairly strong positive correlation, about .45. But, on the other hand, wives' and husbands' levels of matrix reasoning were correlated only about .10. This result is consistent with previous findings, in which spouses have tended to show quite similar levels of verbal comprehension ability, but no particular similarity in mathematical reasoning ability (e.g., Botwin, Buss, & Shackelford, 1997). Why should it be the case that spouses tend to be similar in verbal abilities, but not so similar in (equally g-loaded) nonverbal reasoning abilities? One likely explanation—as you might guess—is that two people will tend to have more rewarding conversations if they have similar levels of verbal ability, but that similar levels of nonverbal or mathematical reasoning ability are unlikely to contribute in an important way to any aspect of relationship quality.”

RelationshipsMarriageIntelligenceVocabularyMarried CouplesMatingIqMatchmakingMental AbilityAssortative Mating
Book:Individual Differences and Personality
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“They said love is fleeting, so we hung on to it through thick and thin. They said marriage is about compromise, so we made it about equality. They said jobs exist just to pay bills, so we made up one we enjoyed. They said you need to settle for a mediocre life, so we made it about chasing the extraordinary.”

LoveJobsMarriageEqualityInterests
Book:Bruised Passports: Travelling the World as Digital Nomads
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“Arranged marriages were like this. You move from your father’s home to your husband's house, trusting that the system has your back. Like the net that trapeze artists don’t see but know will catch them if they fall, the tradition and the community that endorses this practice is supposed to be the invisible net that supports every couple embarking on such a marriage purely based on their faith in their family’s good intentions.”

FaithCommunityFamilyMarriageTraditionsArranged Marriage
Book:Rewriting My Happily Ever After: A Memoir of Divorce and Discovery
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“Breaking one bond was not the end; it was the beginning. It wasn’t a thread that had snapped. The entire net of relationships built on the assumption of “ever after” had collapsed. As I kept falling down an abyss, it was not my life that flashed in front of me but an enactment of all my fears.”

LoveFearRelationshipsMarriageForeverDivorceBonding
Book:Rewriting My Happily Ever After: A Memoir of Divorce and Discovery
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