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Just Be: How My Stillborn Son Taught Me To Surrender

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Lindsay Gibson

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“Something profound happens when you wake up in a calm green pasture on the other side of the treacherous storm that you thought would end you. You discover who you are beyond the unimaginable. You discover what you are made of. Suddenly, the thing that may have broken you becomes the very thing that empowers and emboldens you.”

InspirationGriefHealingTraumaResilienceMendingInfertilityPregnancy LossSubfertilityEctopic
Book:Mending Softly: Finding Hope & Healing After Ectopic Pregnancy Loss
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“It’s strange territory, this desertland between maidenhood and motherhood. I suppose it was ingrained from an early age that one stage naturally and effortlessly follows the next. Yet, here I stand, longing to make that transition, both ready and eager to enter an elusive place, the door to which remains tightly shut. So, I rest on the periphery, a wandering nomadic drifter waiting my turn. I am lost in an eternal dance of emotion, shifting between hopefulness, grief, frustration and fear. Some days I feel strongly that my time is coming soon and I will be a mother. Other days I am impatient and not so sure it will ever happen for me.”

MiscarriageInfertilityPregnancy LossSubfertilityMatrescencePerimatrescenceTtc
Author:Jodi Sky Rogers
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“If I were to start a file on things nobody tells you about until you're right in the thick of them, I might begin with miscarriages. A miscarriage is lonely, painful, and demoralizing almost on a cellular level. When you have one, you will likely mistake it for a personal failure, which it is not. Or a tragedy, which, regardless of how utterly devastating it feels in the moment, it also is not. What nobody tells you is that miscarriage happens all the time, to more women than you'd ever guess, given the relative silence around it. I learned this only after I mentioned that I'd miscarried to a couple of friends, who responded by heaping me with love and support and also their own miscarriage stories. It didn't take away the pain, but in unburying their own struggles, they steadied me during mine, helping me see that what I'd been through was no more than a normal biological hiccup, a fertilized egg that, for what was probably a very good reason, had needed to bail out.”

Pregnancy Loss
Book:Becoming
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“I wish I’d fallen softly. Light and graceful like a feather drifting slowly to the earth on a warm and dreamy summer’s day. I wish that I’d landed softly too. But there is nothing soft or graceful about that devastating moment when the worst has come to pass. The unavoidable truth is that it is hard, cold and brutal. All that you know to be true and good in life shatters in an instant. You feel like a delicate pottery bowl violently tossed from your place of rest, watching yourself crash and scatter across the hostile dark earth. The sound is deafening. Time stops. Inside, the quiet ache of shock and heartbreak slowly makes its grip known. They cut deep, these jagged edges of broken sherds. You gasp for air hungrily, yet somehow forget how to breathe.”

TraumaGrief And LossInfertilityPregnancy LossSubfertilityEctopic
Book:Mending Softly: Finding Hope & Healing After Ectopic Pregnancy Loss
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“Is there any point in breathing if this is what the world is asking me to face?’ You think to yourself. Somehow though, whether through madness or magic, you find a way to. You keep breathing even when you don’t think you can. You surprise yourself.”

HealingTraumaInfertilityPregnancy LossSubfertilityEctopic
Book:Mending Softly: Finding Hope & Healing After Ectopic Pregnancy Loss
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“The fall is hard – the crashing, the breaking, the scattering of your broken clay body. What I found however, is that the mending is slow, soft and although somewhat ungraceful still, you sense yourself being held by an unseen force, something greater than you wrapping you in its balm. Remember this on those days when it feels like healing will never come.”

HealingGrief And LossMendingInfertilityPregnancy LossSubfertilityEctopic
Book:Mending Softly: Finding Hope & Healing After Ectopic Pregnancy Loss
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“Weeks after talking to Kristen Swanson, I couldn't stop thinking about something she said- that birth and life and death exist in women's bodies simultaneously. I picture pregnancy loss as a primordial river rushing through me; it carries forces so big, they eclipse my imagination. It runs through my femoral artery and vena cava, through my spleen, my brain, and the chambers of my heart. At first, this force is strong like rapids, flooding everything. With time it slows, but it never goes away. It rearranges my cells like stones in a riverbed. It never stops running, even after I can no longer see it or feel it.”

MiscarriagePregnancy Loss
Book:Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy
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