Quotessence
Home / Quotes / Quote by Lundy Bancroft

Quote by Lundy Bancroft

“I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer is: “It depends.” Men typically experience women’s shoves or slaps as annoying and infuriating rather than intimidating, so the long-term emotional effects are less damaging. It is rare to find a man who has gradually lost his freedom or self-esteem because of a woman’s aggressiveness.”

Quote by Lundy Bancroft

Book:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

Work

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Browse quotes and source details for this work. more

Author

Lundy Bancroft
Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft is a renowned author specializing in the fields of domestic violence and intimate relationship education and research. His work aims to help people understand and address domestic violence issues, support victims, and educate the public to raise awareness of the problem. more

You May Also Like

“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence that certain chemicals can cause violent behavior — anabolic steroids, for example, or crack cocaine — but alcohol is not among them. In the human body, alcohol is actually a depressant, a substance that rarely causes aggression. Marijuana similarly has no biological action connected to abusiveness.”

AbuseDomestic ViolenceSubstance AbuseAbusive Partners
Book:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“A man’s beliefs about the effects of the substance will largely be borne out. If he believes that alcohol can make him aggressive, it will, as research has shown. On the other hand, if he doesn’t attribute violence-causing powers to substances, he is unlikely to become aggressive even when severely intoxicated.”

AbuseDomestic ViolenceSubstance AbuseAbusive Partners
Book:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“When a man’s face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. When his mood changes from elated to assaultive in the time it takes to turn around, his mental stability seems open to question. When he accuses his partner of plotting to harm him, he seems paranoid. It is no wonder that the partner of an abusive man would come to suspect that he was mentally ill. Yet the great majority of my clients over the years have been psychologically “normal.” Their minds work logically; they understand cause and effect; they don’t hallucinate. Their perceptions of most life circumstances are reasonably accurate. They get good reports at work; they do well in school or training programs; and no one other than their partners—and children—thinks that there is anything wrong with them. Their value system is unhealthy, not their psychology.”

AbuseMental HealthDomestic ViolenceEmotional AbuseDomestic AbusePhysical AbuseAbusive RelationshipsVerbal AbuseAbusive MenAbusive Partners
Book:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“There certainly are some women who treat their male partners badly, berating them, calling them names, attempting to control them. The negative impact on these men’s lives can be considerable. But do we see men whose self-esteem is gradually destroyed through this process? Do we see men whose progress in school or in their careers grinds to a halt because of the constant criticism and undermining? Where are the men whose partners are forcing them to have unwanted sex? Where are the men who are fleeing to shelters in fear for their lives? How about the ones who try to get to a phone to call for help, but the women block their way or cut the line? The reason we don’t generally see these men is simple: They’re rare. I don’t question how embarrassing it would be for a man to come forward and admit that a woman is abusing him. But don’t underestimate how humiliated a woman feels when she reveals abuse; women crave dignity just as much as men do. If shame stopped people from coming forward, no one would tell.”

AbuseDomestic ViolenceEmotional AbuseAbuse SurvivorsPhysical AbuseAbusive RelationshipsVerbal AbuseAbused WomenAbusive MenAbusive Partners
Book:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image

“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable source of insight. So why should we let an angry and controlling man be the authority on partner abuse?”

AbuseDomestic ViolenceDomestic AbuseAlcoholicAbusive MenAbusive Partners
Book:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Create image