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Screaming into Pillows

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Tali Sara

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“Those baby-ghosts love to whisper; they love to hypnotize me every time I smell a newborn’s head or even look at Facebook posts of toddlers splashing in bathtubs and playing in pumpkin patches. But the truth is, those whispers are small echoes of a life that wasn’t supposed to be—a life I unknowingly abandoned when I stepped foot in that classroom and used my time to care for other people’s children. Those whispers taunt from some innate, ancestral, maybe even mystical place of wonder that, surely, I’ll never understand. What I do understand is the transformative value—how to use those voices to repair others and bring meaning to my life. For every student rocking in that blue chair, I have purpose.”

“Side jobs that came my way provided an excellent tutorial on working the street: Learn how to hustle – a buck and an opportunity. How to read a man, his eyes and his intent. Guard your own and keep your own counsel. Make them say a number first and stay or go based on your own designs. Never lie but never give in. When they try to manhandle the situation, and get up in your face about it, step in even closer. If they talk too loud, pretending they're tough, lower your voice, make them lean in to hear and get them off balance. Always give a man an out. Never shame them, but create their indebtedness to you. Assume authority quietly. Yea, I learned a lot and I learned it well.”

“The effort you put into repairing and contending in the relationships, turn that around into yourself and begin asking yourself: “why do I find it okay to be mistreated.?”. “Why am I so comfortable with being discarded like I don’t matter?” “Why do I find it okay to suffer for love?” These questions will lead you to a place that may frighten you.” Excerpt From: Elelwani Anita Ravhuhali. “From Seeking to Radiating Love”. Apple Books.”