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Quote by Tracy Deonn

“It is rage, expanding so fast and so hot that it fuels itself beneath your skin. Grief so deep you are only an open wound, only pain. Pain so fresh that the world itself feels like it should be burning.”

Quote by Tracy Deonn

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Bloodmarked

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Tracy Deonn

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“I'm trying to stitch these scenes from a life together, I am trying to master the art of cinematic collage, but I find the material has become amorphous. I can no longer tell what is true apart from what I want to be tru anymore. It's like a movie I watched when I was high. The images shimmer somewhere in the mirky depths, I know I have watched this film before, but I can't pull up anything I would trust as real, true detail, because everything has been embellished by these years of grief, guilt and remorse. The celluloid has tarnished, it wasn't ever deemed to be worth much, it wasn't stored properly, so now the writer can't even decipher the director's name on the film can. I can no longer separate what happened on screen from the stoner wisecracks I made whilst watching it.”

“But the mourning period also has a clear end. From that point on, the loss isn't a separate dimension of life—the loss is integrated into life. If we stay in a state of perpetual mourning, we are choosing a victim's mentality, believing I’m never going to get over it. If we stay stuck in mourning, it is as though our lives are over too. Renée's mourning, though it was painful, had also become a kind of shield, something that fenced her off from her present life. In the rituals of her loss she could protect herself from having to accept it.”

“No matter who you are, life is desperately hard sometimes. People we love die, and the longer we live, the more we find that's worth grieving. People we trust abandon us. Happy times come to an end. Circumstances change in ways that hurt us. Emotional needs go unmet. Trust gets broken. We are forced to let go of people, places, and things we loved dearly. There's even grief in letting go of who we thought we were.”