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GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition

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GAM-ANON INTERNATIONAL SERVICE OFFICE

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“In order to gamble, the gamblers need time. Family time interferes with gambling time. Dating interferes with gambling time. Work interferes with gambling time. School interferes with gambling time. If the gamblers need to feel justification in order to gamble without guilt, they pick a fight. If guilt is not an issue for the gamblers, the fight is a power play. Either way one thing is certain: the gamblers will get to gamble.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“The gamblers may seek to carve out time to gamble by picking a fight and then marching out the door. The gamblers pretend to be so "upset" that they can't be in the company of loved ones, can't go to work, and can't go to school. Whether the need to gamble takes the gamblers outside the home to a race track, card club, or other gambling destination or to another room to sit in front of a computer for a session of internet gambling, this game attempts to turn the home into a battleground for the purpose of escape. After a while, the loved ones aren't fooled. They know where the gamblers are and why.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“My husband always picked a fight on card game nights. Either dinner was cold, or overcooked, or undercooked, or tasteless, or he didn't like my tone of voice, or he picked on anything that came into his mind. He would stomp out the door and I would spend the night wondering what I could have done or said differently to avoid the fight. When I realized that there was nothing I could ever do or say to stop this cycle, I told him that on card game nights he should eat dinner out and not come home first. Those became my most peaceful nights of the week.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“Often non-gamblers know the truth, or part of the truth about the gamblers’ gambling and gambling debts. Yet, when the gamblers ask for money, or ask for financial sacrifices that will make money available for gambling, the non-gamblers feel they must comply with the gamblers' demands in order to protect others from learning the truth. They think the truth will destroy these others emotionally or financially.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“A spouse will protect the gamblers' parents, a friend will protect the gamblers' spouse, a spouse will protect the children, a sibling will protect other family members and loved ones, an adult child will protect a parent, and a parent will protect the other parent or the gambler's spouse. The gamblers rely on the protective nature of these relationships. What these non-gamblers often don't realize is that the people they are trying to protect may already know about the compulsive gambling, and could have given money to the gamblers recently or in the past. Perhaps one of these people has already confronted the gamblers, refused to give money, or threatened to expose the gamblers' lies that the gamblers are no longer gambling. The gamblers create this conspiracy of silence among non-gamblers because it is to their advantage. All these personal credit lines remain open because no one talks about the gambling, no one knows how much is being borrowed from anyone else, and those who think the gambling has stopped remain ignorant of the truth. What everyone is doing is providing money for the gamblers to gamble and, by their silence, enabling the gamblers to get away with the lies and quite possibly bankrupt those they are trying to protect.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“My brother was receiving his share of quarterly distributions from our father's estate. He asked me for an additional distribution to buy a car and I gave him enough to buy the car with no financing. A month later he asked me for money to pay off the car. This didn't make sense to me. When I called my sister to discuss it with her, she told me he had been gambling at the casino for years and that she had given him money in the past. He had asked her not to tell anyone. I had no idea.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“After my son got out of jail and joined GA, he told me that his father, who had passed away many years before, always gave him money when he asked. His siblings knew this at the time, but I was kept in the dark. I became so angry and hurt that my husband had believed that I was such a weak and frightened person that I needed to be protected. When I shared this in my Gam-Anon meeting, one of the comments was that perhaps my husband was not protecting me, but avoiding facing the reality of his son's gambling.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“The gamblers will employ any tactic that will produce the desired result – the freedom to gamble. This might include the "deep freeze" or silent treatment used against the loved ones. This game can be very effective since it succeeds in putting the non-gamblers off balance by diverting attention away from the gambling issues and planting the seeds of self-doubt in their minds. The non-gamblers might begin to question their own motives and beliefs and begin to think: Am I overreacting to the gambling problem? Do I need to be more understanding? What have I done to cause the gambler to be so angry with me? How can I make this situation right? I'll do whatever it takes. I must learn how to make this not happen again. I cannot stand being ignored.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“The silent treatment is a very personal and hurtful attack on the non-gamblers with a loud, clear message: "Don't try to interfere with my gambling, I can inflict great pain if you do." This game puts all of the power once again in the hands of the gambler.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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