Quotessence
Home / Authors / GAM-ANON INTERNATIONAL SERVICE OFFICE Biography

GAM-ANON INTERNATIONAL SERVICE OFFICE Biography

Author

Related Quotes

“It is essential that the loved ones involved with compulsive gamblers understand and believe that nothing they do or say will cause the gamblers to gamble, or make the gamblers stop gambling. They can encourage the gamblers to stop gambling with appropriate words and actions, but they cannot make the gamblers stop. Only the gamblers can do that.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“When the gamblers lie, tell the gamblers you don't believe the lie. Avoid the argument by stopping the conversation. Do this by leaving the room, hanging up the phone, taking a drive, or making a phone call to a Gam-Anon friend. When the gamblers ask for money, say NO, no matter what the gamblers say will happen if they don't get the money. Don't pay the gamblers' debts. Protect your finances, family finances, and/or business finances from the gamblers so they no longer have access. Stop keeping the gambling a secret from those you are trying to protect. Separate love and trust. Acknowledge that the feelings of fear and guilt will not go away immediately. Don't show the fear. Hide the guilt. Act as if your fear and guilt do not exist. They are a source of manipulation and control for the gamblers. Speak the truth: 'You are a compulsive gambler. I love you, but I will not give you any money. I will not gamble with you or listen to your gambling experiences. I will not lie for you. I will not make excuses for you. I will not argue with you to convince you to stop gambling. That is your decision. The solutions to your problems are at Gamblers Anonymous.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“I have detached with love from my mom and dad who are in their 80's now. I do not participate in discussions of their financial situation. I let them work out their own issues and have discovered that I can have a loving relationship with them that doesn't involve gambling activity and behavior.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“My wife stopped gambling, but money is a trigger for her. As soon as we get a tax refund or any extra money, I can see the excitement in her eyes. It is as if she had a "big win.” She never wants to do anything practical or useful with the money.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“The gamblers also rely on the absolute trust of the non-gamblers. If there is ever a question about money or time, the gamblers' loved ones readily accept the explanations. They don't check the bank accounts, the bills and the computer, speak to the gamblers' business partners about finances, or research the gamblers' explanations.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“When the gamblers finally run out of money and credit, or crack under the strain of maintaining a "normal life" while living the life of a compulsive gambler, the gamblers "hit bottom" and reveal the life of lies to the shock of the non-gamblers. The gamblers will promise that this will never happen again, plead for one more chance, and ask for financial help to get out from under the debt.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“When my husband and I went to the racetrack he handed me his $5.00 ticket “for luck." When he lost, he cursed and yelled. I told him that if he can't lose $5.00 like a grown-up, he shouldn't gamble. The thought that he had bought more tickets never entered my mind. I knew we didn't lie to each other. When he told me I couldn't go to the supermarket the next day because he had a bad business day on Saturday, it never occurred to me that this had anything to do with the evening at the racetrack. It didn't make sense until I came to Gam-Anon.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“Compulsive gamblers are fantastic liars because they can be relentless and extremely convincing. If caught in a lie, they will try to convince the non-gamblers that they must be mistaken and will argue so strenuously and for so long, that sometimes the non-gamblers just give up out of exhaustion. The gamblers are so convincing, that even though the evidence at hand would convince a jury, gambling will be denied. Even when the non-gamblers know the gamblers are lying because the facts prove that the gamblers spent the money, or bought the lottery tickets, or spent the day at a casino or on a gambling website, the gamblers' denials are unshakable. Non-gamblers walk away from the gamblers knowing that what they know is the truth, knowing that the money is gone, the time is gone, and nothing they can say or do will replace it. Whether the gamblers are believed or not, the gamblers win because the money has already been spent on gambling, and nothing the non-gamblers can say or do will change that. Wearing down the resolve of the non-gamblers is the desired result of this game.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“For the gamblers' family and friends, the world of compulsive gamblers is an unfamiliar and frightening place to contemplate, and the gamblers use that fear, becoming most convincing when they need money. Gamblers create lies about what could be plausible financial hardships in order to borrow money from unsuspecting concerned friends, relatives and business acquaintances. The gamblers may also plead for money to avoid jail, avoid being assaulted, not lose a job, or not lose a home or a car, even when none of these things are going to happen.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“I know that interrogating an active compulsive gambler does not reveal the truth but invites more lies. I learned that a simple statement like "I know you are having a problem with gambling but I cannot help you with it" would be appropriate. By saying this I am refusing to take part in the game playing.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“Gamblers get "caught" gambling in one of several ways. One way is to be discovered someplace where the gamblers promised never to go after the last time they were caught. Another is when money is missing and there is no lie big enough to explain how and why this much money is gone.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“The gamblers claim that lessons have been learned. The non-gamblers believe that “love conquers all.” The gamblers may even believe it at that moment. Promises are made never to gamble again, to be a better person, to work harder, to pay back the debt, and the non-gamblers do what has been asked of them.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“The belief that blind trust is necessary in a successful relationship is false and is a distraction to the real issues of recovery. Recovery is less about trusting the gambler and more about trusting ourselves. We have already experienced the dangers of trusting someone who has not earned our trust. Trust is something that will come over time during the recovery process. How much trust to give the gamblers, and when, is a personal decision.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“In order to gamble, the gamblers need time. Family time interferes with gambling time. Dating interferes with gambling time. Work interferes with gambling time. School interferes with gambling time. If the gamblers need to feel justification in order to gamble without guilt, they pick a fight. If guilt is not an issue for the gamblers, the fight is a power play. Either way one thing is certain: the gamblers will get to gamble.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“The gamblers may seek to carve out time to gamble by picking a fight and then marching out the door. The gamblers pretend to be so "upset" that they can't be in the company of loved ones, can't go to work, and can't go to school. Whether the need to gamble takes the gamblers outside the home to a race track, card club, or other gambling destination or to another room to sit in front of a computer for a session of internet gambling, this game attempts to turn the home into a battleground for the purpose of escape. After a while, the loved ones aren't fooled. They know where the gamblers are and why.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“My husband always picked a fight on card game nights. Either dinner was cold, or overcooked, or undercooked, or tasteless, or he didn't like my tone of voice, or he picked on anything that came into his mind. He would stomp out the door and I would spend the night wondering what I could have done or said differently to avoid the fight. When I realized that there was nothing I could ever do or say to stop this cycle, I told him that on card game nights he should eat dinner out and not come home first. Those became my most peaceful nights of the week.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“Often non-gamblers know the truth, or part of the truth about the gamblers’ gambling and gambling debts. Yet, when the gamblers ask for money, or ask for financial sacrifices that will make money available for gambling, the non-gamblers feel they must comply with the gamblers' demands in order to protect others from learning the truth. They think the truth will destroy these others emotionally or financially.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“A spouse will protect the gamblers' parents, a friend will protect the gamblers' spouse, a spouse will protect the children, a sibling will protect other family members and loved ones, an adult child will protect a parent, and a parent will protect the other parent or the gambler's spouse. The gamblers rely on the protective nature of these relationships. What these non-gamblers often don't realize is that the people they are trying to protect may already know about the compulsive gambling, and could have given money to the gamblers recently or in the past. Perhaps one of these people has already confronted the gamblers, refused to give money, or threatened to expose the gamblers' lies that the gamblers are no longer gambling. The gamblers create this conspiracy of silence among non-gamblers because it is to their advantage. All these personal credit lines remain open because no one talks about the gambling, no one knows how much is being borrowed from anyone else, and those who think the gambling has stopped remain ignorant of the truth. What everyone is doing is providing money for the gamblers to gamble and, by their silence, enabling the gamblers to get away with the lies and quite possibly bankrupt those they are trying to protect.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“My brother was receiving his share of quarterly distributions from our father's estate. He asked me for an additional distribution to buy a car and I gave him enough to buy the car with no financing. A month later he asked me for money to pay off the car. This didn't make sense to me. When I called my sister to discuss it with her, she told me he had been gambling at the casino for years and that she had given him money in the past. He had asked her not to tell anyone. I had no idea.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“After my son got out of jail and joined GA, he told me that his father, who had passed away many years before, always gave him money when he asked. His siblings knew this at the time, but I was kept in the dark. I became so angry and hurt that my husband had believed that I was such a weak and frightened person that I needed to be protected. When I shared this in my Gam-Anon meeting, one of the comments was that perhaps my husband was not protecting me, but avoiding facing the reality of his son's gambling.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“The gamblers will employ any tactic that will produce the desired result – the freedom to gamble. This might include the "deep freeze" or silent treatment used against the loved ones. This game can be very effective since it succeeds in putting the non-gamblers off balance by diverting attention away from the gambling issues and planting the seeds of self-doubt in their minds. The non-gamblers might begin to question their own motives and beliefs and begin to think: Am I overreacting to the gambling problem? Do I need to be more understanding? What have I done to cause the gambler to be so angry with me? How can I make this situation right? I'll do whatever it takes. I must learn how to make this not happen again. I cannot stand being ignored.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“The silent treatment is a very personal and hurtful attack on the non-gamblers with a loud, clear message: "Don't try to interfere with my gambling, I can inflict great pain if you do." This game puts all of the power once again in the hands of the gambler.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“For no apparent reason there were times I would find myself on the receiving end of being ignored – as if I didn’t exist in my own home. It was as though my husband pushed the delete button and I was no longer visible. Though I would repeatedly ask what was wrong I would never get a reply. Fear and self-doubt would grip me. Until the silent treatment was deemed over by my gambler, I would spend my time trying to fix something I apparently did though I had no idea what it was. The silent treatment game succeeded in distracting me from the gambling issues and made me focus on mythical wrongs for which I was being punished.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“The gamblers must manipulate situations and people in order to maintain their gambling activities. Those who love the gamblers can be easily manipulated and can never win playing the gamblers' games. The gamblers know each person's weaknesses and the moves that will be made before they do.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“While many consider gamblers to be wonderful and loving people, the gamblers' families may feel quite differently. They see their gamblers as being unconcerned about them. There never seems to be enough money for their basic needs or enough time spent as a family.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“Compulsive gamblers escape the frustrations of day to day living by building a fantasy life filled with dreams of what they will buy or possess when there are enough winnings. Pathetically, there never seems to be enough of these winnings to make even the smallest dream come true and gambling compounds the frustrations rather than minimizing them.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“Ultimately, they gamble in reckless desperation and the dream world brings no relief. It brings only increased debt and extreme anxiety, driving family and friends further away. But the obsession to gamble is accelerated nonetheless. The gamblers' self-destruction becomes a terrifying experience for families and loved ones and may involve their destruction as well.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“It may be difficult for the loved ones to accept and examine their own issues when they are in relationships with compulsive gamblers. Their lives are frequently filled with fear, disappointment, frustration, anger and a general feeling of unmanageability, making even the simplest tasks of daily life a challenge. They know that something has to change in the way they are relating to the gamblers, but can’t think of what to do and how to do it, so they take no action other than repeating past behaviors. They have no way of knowing what may happen if they were to act and react differently. Fear of this unknown is a great deterrent for taking action. Feeling like a victim is a natural result.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“Loved ones desperately try to rationalize and defend why they put up with the outrageous behavior of their compulsive gamblers. They use statements such as "I love him," "I know she loves me," "He needs me and would be lost without me," "The children need their mother/father," or "My culture, religion, family do not approve of divorce." These are frequently some of the reasons offered as excuses for doing nothing about the situation.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“Even if the gamblers reach the point of seeking help through Gamblers Anonymous, the non-gamblers will often refuse to recognize their own need for help. This will not come until they have reached their own emotional "bottom" and they grow "sick and tired" of being "sick and tired.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image

“Parents may feel tremendous anger and a sense of betrayal just as spouses and companions do. But there is also a great deal of confusion surrounding the origin of the problem since parents generally feel responsible for their child’s upbringing. This is one of the primary points at which the path of the parents diverges from the path of other non-gamblers. Gamblers might be able to make the other nongamblers in their lives feel as though they have contributed to the problem in the family, but a parent may actually feel that they have caused it.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
Create image