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Mark Watson

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“You put a curse on that girl over there,' I tell him. 'Fix her immediately.' 'She admired my ears,' the boy says. 'I was only giving her what she desired. A party favour.' 'That's what I'm going to say after I gut you and use your entrails as streamers,' I tell him. 'I was only giving him what he wanted. After all, if he didn't want to be eviscerated, he would have honoured my very reasonable request.”

“I’ve earned the right to steal a little makeup. Scientists have confirmed that humanity is highly suggestible. If I intend to escape the jaws of consumerism, I have some hard choices ahead. I won’t say that the Devil is behind this, but Gretchen goes to Catholic school, she says the Devil can show up anywhere, and we wouldn’t even recognize him. Last week Gretchen told me, watch carefully to see how one thing connects to another.”