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20 Years Of Inner War: How porn defeated my porn addiction

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Simple Man

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“Other people -- and by other people, I mean men -- were afforded that freedom. Male rockers were rolling in late to awards shows and we thought it made them cooler. Male pop stars were sleeping with lots of women and that was awesome. Kevin was leaving me alone with two babies when he wanted to go smoke pot and record a rap song, "Popozão," slang for big ass in Portuguese. Then he took them away from me, and he had Details magazine calling him Dad of the Year. A paparazzo who stalked and tormented me for months sued me for $230,000 for running over his foot with my car one time when I was trying to escape from him. We settled and and I had to give him a lot of money. When Justin cheated on me and then acted sexy, it was seen as cute. But when I wore a sparkly bodysuit, I had Diane Sawyer making me cry on national television, MTV making me listen to people criticizing my costumes, and a governor's wife saying she wanted to shoot me.”

“Culture’s voice is loud, and even the Christian subculture voice is. I remember noticing this in my late teen years. Maybe I am on an island by myself here, but all through late teen years, I was not preparing for working responsibilities. I was preparing to have them. People kept telling me I was going to have a wife, have children, have a home, and have a career. I was preparing to have all of those and was totally naïve to the fact that in order for them to thrive, they would need work, or they would all die.”

“To face a life in these extremes, these men must live to a code of machismo that would wither the men of many cultures. Is it somehow required that, to hold your head high as a man among men, you must treat your life with such casual abandon? Or, I wondered, is it more than that? Is it tied to their overall spiritual view of life? By walking the thin line cast by the shadow of death, do they come to know life with an intimacy that the timid cannot?”