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A Car Fell on My F*cking Head, Dude

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Mahin Kapur

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“​Gaby: Calm down! I don’t believe in monogamy, okay? I don’t understand how you can be with one partner all your life. Love just the same person for the rest of your life, be committed to one person. ​Nathaniel: I can’t believe… This can’t be true. ​Gaby: Let me explain it in your language. It's like listening to the same song throughout your life. The same song every freaking day. Sooner or later you’ll get tired of it. Then those notes, that melody, those words will get on your nerves, and, in the end, one day, you will be done. That’s why there are people like me. We listen to everything, rap, pop, rock, country, even classical music. You must understand, you can’t get everything from one partner. I came back because I knew that no matter what, you will always be there waiting for me. You are giving me things others can’t give and vice versa. It’s easy.”

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“Tied up a lot of women, have you?" He raised one eyebrow, whatever that meant. "A bit odd, are you?" She was being sarcastic, trying to taunt him into a sense of guilt. While perhaps bursting any bubble in herself of misguided, soft-hearted concern for a man with sad eyes and complicated wealth. Though his sexual inclinations were perhaps not the wisest of barbs to do either. He looked down at her, speculative. "Difficult to say." He actually answered the question seriously. "Legally? Decidedly. But then British laws on the subject are so guilt-ridden I'm surprised we've propagated as a race." He mad a small, grim smile. "How delightful we're having this conversation. And what is it you like?”

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“I smack myself in the forehead. “Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods, they’re not moving!” I exclaim. There’s a choking noise over my head somewhere. “Etruscan snoods?” I glow quietly inside. Some accomplishments mean more than others. I am officially the Shit. Now and forever. “Dude, watch your question marks. I just pried one out of you.” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “Admit it, you lost your eternal fecking composure.” “You have an obsession with a delusion about how I end my sentences. What the fuck are Etruscan snoods?” “Dunno. It’s just another of Robin’s sayings. Like, ‘Holy strawberries, Batman, we’re in a jam!’ ” “Strawberries.” “Or, ‘Holy Kleenex, Batman, it was right under our nose and we blew it!’”

FunnyFever SeriesRyodanDani O MalleyIced
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