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Quote by St. John Morris

“Had the facial plumage been of a paler hue it would have looked like a pile of horse crap on a winter’s day.”

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

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The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

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St. John Morris

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“This particular event had been somewhat more raucous than usual as Derek Jameson had just lost an arm wrestle with Ann Diamond. The match was the second semi-final of the morning after Belinda Carlisle had been pipped at the post by Rusty Lee. Carlisle had caused some consternation after, upset at losing and forfeiting the chance to compete for the first prize of a quarter of midget gems, she had spat port in Lee’s handbag. Carlisle had been asked to leave and, after a brief tussle, had been ejected from the building whilst screaming and spitting in Simon Parkin’s face.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“Eunice had deposited St John upon the balcony of the first-floor apartment of former Liberal MP, The Rt. Hon. Leonard Cossins, the disgraced Lord Mayor of Mitchell-Baines who had been removed from office having been caught administering counterfeit buttercup syrup to the local yeomanry whilst on a hunting trip to Stoke-Poges.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“Beetroot Cossins had moved to Kuala Lumpur where she had died of lethargy and pie.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Author:St. John Morris

“Her protestations were drowned out by the sound of Gordon Honeycomb barfing up aftershock into the kitchenette sink.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“I once went to one of his Virgin Vie parties and had a really good time watching Chas having a paddy whilst trying to put on Dave’s socks, before realising that he only had two feet, compared to Dave’s three.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“There was Arctic John, a businessman from Salisbury who doesn’t hold water, Bruce Knott, a social worker from Cumberland who spends his lunch hour picking his bum, and Judith Glycerine, the reformation pig.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Author:St. John Morris

“Private Benjamin lives next door but one to Bob Cryer from The Bill. I once saw him crouching down behind a sycamore tree and using his nose as an Allen Key to release a starving rat.”

Comedy Humour Satire Non Sequitur Surrealistic

Author:St. John Morris

“Tobak Davenport, who is a cross between some Sugar Puffs and Lynn Faulds-Wood, was squatting there before being removed by the local constabulary after he went round to complain about Luther Blisset’s pet turkey fouling the communal herb garden.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Author:St. John Morris

“A huge meringue with polio who drives everywhere in a beautifully restored Hillman Imp.”

Comedy Humour Satire Surreal Non Sequitur

Book:The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

Source: The Bizarre Letters of St John Morris

“Men concerned with power often get wealth and status in return. Men concerned with wealth and status seem to get lost in the concept.”

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Author:Anje Kruger

Quote by St. John Morris

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