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Dear Love, I Hate You

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Eliah Greenwood

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“You did what you needed to do to survive. I hope you truly believe that.' Casteel didn't answer, and when I looked over at him and saw the vast emptiness in his expression, my heart ached. Because I knew. I knew he didn't. And all I wanted was to bring warmth back to him. 'I still want to stab you.' His head shot in my direction. 'Just not as frequently,' I amended.' One side of his lips curled up, and then he laughed. The sound was rough and a little hoarse, but it was real. 'I would be disappointed if you didn't.' I looked forward, smiling. 'That is such a weird statement.' 'What can I say? I have a thing for women with violent tendencies.' 'That doesn't sound any better,' ...”

“It is our mission to enrich the lives of those around us. Therefore, such an action is not a choice nor does it fall to the bane of our selfish preferences. Nonetheless we presume it a choice that we defer to others who might be more aligned with such ideals. And in doing so we trudge through our lives leaving footprints empty and barren. And should a passerby catch sight of those prints, they might wonder why we were so foolish as to walk in such a way. And if at some point that passerby should happen to be us, regret will be added to the footprints which we already regret.”

“I don't regret anything I've ever done in life, any choice that I've made. But I'm consumed with regret for the things I didn't do, the choices I didn't make, the things I didn't say. We spent so much time being afraid of failure, afraid of rejection. But regret is the thing we should fear the most. Failure is an answer. Rejection is an answer. Regret is an internal question you will never have the answer to. "What if..." "If only..." "I wonder what would have..." You will never, never know, and it will haunt you for the rest of your days.”